if he came back to you...?
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| Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:57am |
So I'm going to start, and if anybody else thinks it would help them to vent, do it here! you dont even have to read this guys, im writing it for myself, but if you do read it and chose to resopnd that would be cool too :)
ex bf: take me back, i've realized the error of my ways and would like to return to your sweet sweet embrace
me: you know i cant tell you how many times i wished that you'd come back. those first 2 months--i woulda given anything to hear those words and i woulda taken you back without thinking twice. but now its like...you're sitting here saying this to me and im realizing just how badly i DONT want to be with you. we had such a great relationship and you threw it all away for no reason! what we faced in march--that was normal growing up stuff. thats what your twenties is about, constant change and revision, and every time somethign goes a little off kilter in your life you're not allowed to run away and think, you have to step up to the plate. you were always so good to me, but by ending things when you did, for the reasons you did, you proved to me that you're a coward and a quitter. "tis better to have loved and lost" is not an excuse for non commital frivolity; you're no more capable of handling things now than you were then. i was ready to take a break--what happened in march was the first time we'd ever faced anything and you just gave up! and we're going to face more sh*t and more sh*t, because relationshps are constantly being tested, and knowing that you're a quitter it tells me that there's no point. if we get back togheter, we'll probably have a great summer, and then school will start again and you'll be SO busy cos its your senior year and all your friends will be back and you'll be doing your thesis and once again, you wont be able to handle it all and you'll give me some lame excuse and break up with me.
i was so loving and supportive, when you were going through stuff i was always there. i loved you with a reckless abandon that most people are too jaded to be capable of nowadays, and when i needed you to be there for me, you bailed. i cant be with somebody i cant count on.
i dont believe that you're willing to put the work in to regain my trust. You dont believe in what we have, you dont try, and you're not of the mindset that giving up is the last option. you and i are fundamentally not on the same page in that respect--youre approachign this as a learning and growing experience, im approachign this as a chance to really be close to somebody. but all i am to you is a vehicle for your own self exploration, and thats not fair. im not going to get back together with you just because you miss me."
PHEW!! i think tahts everything. you know if this scenario actually had to occur i have no idea what i'd really say, but just writing all that out did remind me of the main things i've learend since my break up.
part II of this venting:
things that suck about my ex:
-he's a quitter
-he's really melodramatic--sometimes he sounds like a character from Dawsons Creek, except we're not 15 year olds, so its just so har dto take him seriously when he gets like that
-he's always complaining aobut how he has no money
-he's a DORK! and now i NEVER have to hear that cheesy impression of Agent Smith from the Matrix again.
-he's a whiny little b*tch if he doesnt get exactly 6-8 hrs of sleep.
-he's so MOODY.
i know there's more, but for now thats all if eel like typing. this really helped me--you guys should write your own response & list as well
:D
ace

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I have never been happier since they day I moved out of our house. You thought you had it all firgured out thinking I wasn't strong enough to leave you or I didn't have the money. But not only did I leave you I did it all behind you back while you were at work and everyone around you knew about it and did even tell you, some even helped me move out ! I don't know how you thought you could lie to me since day one and think you could get away with it. I also know about you naked ass on the internet trying to set up some threesome, I know about all of your lies and really you are a very sick and sad person. I might not have been the girl to change you are make you a better person, but one day you will get yours, all of the lying, cheating and stealing you did will all come back to you some day. I am glad I am not with you, I have not wanted to be with you since you cheated back in December. The thought of you makes me sick and I am moving on without you in my life and feel sorry for your next victim that has to deal with your insecure, momma's boy, cheating, broke ass, no money lying Son of a bitch.
Here is the list of things I won't miss -
- Sex, it was the same thing, no excitment, no oral, nothing. THE USUAL every single time.
- Cheating, I don't have to drive myself crazy anymore wondering if you are lying or off with some other girl, or chatting on the computer when I am sleeping
- Money, I have so much money now that I am not paying all of the bills, half the rent + whatever you couldn't afford, I don't have to go gracery shopping every time you don't have a dam ingrediant. I don't have to put extra money into your account every time you are negative, or give you gas money to get to work. I can buy all the clothes I want too.
- Freedom, I can talk on the phone, be around my family that you hated, go be with the girls, have anyone I want spend the night, get calls whenever I want and just be free.
- Insecure, I don't have to deal with your clothes, what you are going to wear, what outfit looks best, shopping for new clothes every single weekend even if you didn't have money.
- Smells, you stink, you stink, you stink, I don't have to smell you burps, you farts in bed while we are sleeping or just at random. Or deal with you when you don't shower for days.
- Drinking, I can actually go out and have a "social drink" and not have to worry about you getting drunk anymore, I can have alcohol in my new house and it will last more then 3 days, I don't feel the need to drink just cause you want to. I don't have to go to bed alone while you stay up and drink yourself to sleep, and then blame it on me.
- Mama's Boy, I don't have to listen to you lie to you parents anymore just cause you want to make then happy or not upset them about something. We don't have to go to their house and just sit around for 8 hours doing nothing but talking about your dam job and other crap, your parents never even took the time out to get to know me.
- Putting me down, I don't have to be put down any more every single day just cause you want to make youself feel better, I can live my life and feel great about me and the things I accomplished or am accomplishing. I can talk about me without worrying about hurting your feelings. I can do things right without your approval.
- Controling, You tried to control me for a long time, I can do a lot of things you don't think I can, I just always let you do them to make you happy, I am not helpless, I do know how to do alot of things. Also I can do whatever the hell I want to without you yelling at me for stupid things just cause you wanted to control. Or didn't think I could do it right, did everyone know there is actually a wrong way to walk the dog.
- Happy, I am so happy without you, if I ever have a down or weak moment I just read my list and you go away within seconds. You are not going to be happy in your lifetime with out a total life transformation.
- The end, in the end I did learn a lot and some things I have relearned. I am glad I had the support of my family and friends to get me through this tuff time in my life, but in the end I wish every woman who is in a bad relatioship to have the strenghth and courage to get out and leave before it makes a turn for the worst. I did and it is the best decision I have made. I can actually smile and be happy without going home to some jerk who wants to make my life hell, also I am just closer to meeting "the one" Good Luck Ladies!
-
Lois
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