If he still loves me...
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If he still loves me...
| Tue, 01-30-2007 - 8:46pm |
I have never written on a message board, that is always something my fiance has done. I love him, I have loved him since he was my best friend 7 1/2 years ago. I have never wanted anything other than him. I have been planning our wedding since he proposed last September. We had spent 6 months apart living in other states and he moved back 2 months before he popped the question. I had missed him so much and I felt like finally everything was the way it was supposed to be. I picked up my wedding dress last Friday. I think of trying it on and how happy I was. Last night he springs a "I don't know if this is what I really want" on me. I was heartbroken. If he breaks up with me, he wants to live in Japan. He still says he loves me, and that it is killing him to hurt me like this. He wants time to think about it. To think about what he really wants. Me or Japan. He has said things like I will pay for half of your dress and I don't want him to. I don't want to sell it. I wanted to where that dress and be around all the people I love and have a champagne toast and dance to "Unforgettable" on our wedding day. I wanted children and I wanted to be his wife. I have been working really hard and I have finally saved enough money to buy us all the things I've wanted. We can afford a little three bedroom house and nice furniture. I want him to come home from work and cook him meals and lay on couch with him and rub his back and watch tv. I want to surprise him with his favorite cake every now and then and rent the cheesy samurai films he loves. I just never imagined that not being allowed to make the effort would hurt this bad. I have been in love with him so long. I don't know how to not love him. I have not gotten mad at him, but he has instead held me while I sobbed and he says he doesn't know what he wants. I know this could be cold feet, but in all honesty, in the six months we've been engaged, this is the second time he's done this. He is now worried that maybe he doesn't love me as much as he should to marry me. I just don't want him to leave. I love him. I gave him my heart and I don't want it back. I never gave him a thing I ever intended him not to keep. He has been my rock so many times. I have always counted on him to just be there for me, and without him, I don't know who I will turn to. I won't know how to tell people the wedding is off. I won't know how to tell my parents that the wedding I was so excited about and so sure of won't be happening. I just don't know how to feel better.

Hi
I'm sorry to hear you're having problems. I think I can relate a bit...
Its probably a little crazy of me to say this being that I dont know you and I dont really know your situation. But Im going to go out on a limb and tell you exactly step by step what I think you should do and tell you what I wish someone had told me 7 months ago when my fiance left me and moved far away:
If you are willing to go with him to Japan - tell him that. Tell him once, calmly that you want to work things out and you think the two of you can have it all. Then back off - give him all the space he needs. Don't pressure him, don't cry in front of him. Keep your cool and be graceful in all your conversations and interactions from now on. Tell him what you want - then release him. Don't ever beg, don't ever pressure him.
If you can do this, I would be very surprised if he didn't come change his mind once again and marry you - but whatever happens you come out on top.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.