If Loves are different, break up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
If Loves are different, break up?
3
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:57am
Hello, Everyone,
I have read about every post here but never really had the courage to post myself. But as I read everyone’s problems, I am faced with some of the same questions. However, I do feel that my bf and I, who have been together for over a year, love each other differently. I love him unconditionally, with ALL of his flaws but he seems to just love me. I have steered away from the marriage commitment with him b/c I feel that his definition of marriage is NOT forever. I don’t believe in divorce and he has mentioned a pre-nup to protect himself in the divorce. Well, the question I pose is this: Should a couple love each other the same in order for the relationship to work? I appreciate all your inputs.
Thanks, Sky
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 1:49pm

Your question is a little broad, so I'm going to ask a few clarifying ones to help me work through this.


....."I love him unconditionally, with ALL of his flaws but he seems to just love me.".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 3:30pm

Sandra,
Thanks for your response. I apologize that my question was a little broad but my intension was to keep it short and simple.
1. BF claims that he wants to be with someone who works as hard as he does. We both have a Bachelor’s degree but he couldn’t get a job, so he is going back to school to get a degree in something else. If I do not obtain a Master’s degree or professional degree, he does not see us together in the future. I love him and would love him regardless of his profession or degrees; he would not. That is what I mean by that… It’s a conditional love that depends upon me going back to school. And even though I am going back to school, I feel that I would never say that to him, especially since we both have the same level of intelligence.

I do want to provide you with another example that leads me to believe that we love each other differently. If he were to become ill, quadriplegic or unable to care for himself, I would take care of him for the rest of his natural life. But if I come across the same situation, he would leave and find somebody else.

2. BF and I have talk about it some. It does not dominate our discussions and I don’t obsess over it because it has just become something that our relationship will never do. We will never marry. However, the more I realize what marriage really means, I see how it can greatly compliment my life and that of my partner. I am not one to suggest that marriage = ���happily ever after” but I would like to believe that everything has a solution, except death. If both persons are truly committed to the marriage, it will work but communication is the key, as is with any relationship.

3. I have tried to explain the difference in his love for me and my love for him. He just tells me that I am a woman and I feel more than he does. But I refuse to accept his gender excuse for his lack of “love”. I don’t consider myself a hopeless romantic but I want to have the security that love provides. The amazing part is that we are still together. I have thought about breaking up with him many of times but you are right, “the beauty comes in when you can work together to make something that works for you both.”

Again, thank you for your response, I hope this clarified things for you a little bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 4:44pm

Things are pretty crystal now, although I'm not sure you'll like what I have to say.


As for the difference in the way you love:

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