Ignoring his call
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| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:06pm |
About a year ago, when I was going through my divorce, I met a man who became a good friend to me. We both knew there was an attraction there but didn't act on it because he had a live-in girlfriend of 7 years. But back in December I lost my mind apparently and allowed him to kiss me. He broke up with the girlfriend, was going to move in with me, but then went back to the girlfriend. Anyway, my point is, I've finally gotten the strength to start digging my way out of this. But what I don't understand is why it's so darn HARD. I never had a real relationship with the guy -- most of it was based in fantasy. I guess it was something I created to escape the horrible reality of my divorce. It was a "harmless" little crush that went wrong somewhere along the way. The funny thing is that I'm an attractive college graduate with a good job, making good money, and my own place and very little baggage. He's near 35 working as a department store security guard making around $15,000 a year at best with a girlfriend he supposedly doesn't really love and a daughter by another woman that his girlfriend keeps on weekends while he works. If he had left his girlfriend I would have had a man I've never even really dated living with me, would have had to give up my single life and the new girlfriends I've made and stop going out so much (he basically likes to sit around watching TV all the time) and had to take on most of the financial responsibility. He has no goals, no future really -- he wants to be a police officer but just like his living situation, lacks the ambition to go get what he wants. On top of that, he's not even all that good-looking. So why the heck am I having such a hard time kicking the guy from my head? He called Monday and I had the strength not to answer but it bothers me that he hasn't called since and I know if he does it'll take a lot of willpower not to answer. Tell me I'm crazy, PLEASE! Tell me not to answer the darn phone. Tell me how I can get this guy out of my freakin' head!
Steph

hi steph
to tell you the truth stephie i admired all your advises here in ivillage....so i know you know whats right thing to do!!! well i mean maybe most of us are totally blind to accept the reality right..it easy to give advise to others, but its hard to use it to our own need/self...LIKE THE SAYing EVEN THE DOCTOR NEED THEIR OWN DOCTOR TO HEEL!!!(something like that hehehehe)
To be honest with you, I'm in a great deal of pain right now and it's helping to be able to help others. But there's no advice anyone can give that will take it all away. It does help knowing other people have been through this and time has healed the pain. Heck, I've been hurt in my lifetime and now know that time heals it. I know that often you look back on relationships you thought were so spectacular and think of them as nothing more than learning experiences. I firmly hope that a year from now, two years from now, whatever, I'll look back on my feelings for the security guard and wonder what the heck I was thinking and be SO relieved that he did go back to his girlfriend. I hope I'll meet someone that makes me realize this guy was nothing more than something to get through my divorce.
Steph
HI Stephie,
I hear you loud and clear. I was going through a divorce and I did move in with him, he was not divorced and had a son. He got fired from his job and gave all of his unemployment to her. I paid all the bills. Well I ended up leaving and at that point I thought we would break up but he still wants to keep it going. I am trying really hard not to talk to him and get the remainder of my stuff back home. But you keep not taking the calls cause something better is out there.
M
WOW, you sound like you're exactly where I would have been had he chosen me. So what happened once you were together? Did you find you didn't feel the same about him? What were the results of moving in together so soon after your divorce? It would help me to focus on the harsh reality of what it would have been like with him because up until now, I've always had that silly delusion that we were "meant to be" because we just clicked like I've never clicked with anyone else (so far!).
Steph