Im addicted to him...looking for support
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| Sun, 05-13-2007 - 9:33am |
Im not new to the boards, but Im new to this one. A very good friend I met here has told me to come to this board so many times and I wouldnt do it, because I wouldnt let him go. I knew if I came here thats where I was headed...letting him go.
So I wont start from the beginning, but Ill give a quick background.
Im a 46 year old divorced woman. I met Tom two years ago. Over those two years he ended and restarted the relationship more times than I would like to remember. Hes hurt me, lied to me (and big lies) and each time I end up back with him. The big lie came in Feb. when he confessed to me that the reason I had limited access to his home and never met his kids was because he was living with another woman. I tried to forgive and learn to trust him again, as crazy as that sounds, and I was just starting to get somewhere this past month when I caught him lying again to me about where he had spent his weekend. Seems he went down to a shore house him and the ex live in once co owned (she took it over in the breakup) Now he tells me hes confused as to what he wants and needs space. He doesnt know if he wants her or me or what he wants in his life. A part of me wants to give him that but Ive given him so much and so many chances that I just cant, but Im also having trouble letting him go.
The other night I went on my Yahoo and wanted to see what Yahoo 360 was. So when I clicked it on there he was on my page as one of my contacts. I clicked his name on which took me to HIS page, on that page I found 3 other women that were listed as his friends. So here I was in what I thought since Feb. in an exclusive relationship, attempting to forgive a man for his dishonesty and there was more of it staring me in the face. GUESS THATS WHAT THE "I NEED SPACE" THING IS REALLY ABOUT???
So how do I go on now? How do I stop loving someone that has brought me happiness, yet most of the time pain. My self respect and my self esteem have fallen so low here. I dont like who I am and what Ive allowed. It shouldnt be so hard to let go of someone like this should it????
Why cant I just call him and say "Go to hell you bastard! Dont call me when your done taking your space!" I know hes not good for me, no matter how much I love him, but Im holding onto a dream here, that hes going to change and be who I want him to be.
I need to let go and never look back......but my hearts not letting me do that...Help me out here!

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I promise that it will get better. Time will pass and you will heal. To be honest, I have spent most of the last year being a basket case and I really regret that lost time. My kids needed me to be a mother, my friends needed me to be available, and I was too busy being a victim. Yes girl, I was in bad shape. For me the realization that he wasn't worth it happened overnight. I woke up one morning and realized how lucky I was to be free. Its hell being in a relationship and never feeling good enough, and wondering where he is and who he is with. Being alone is so much better than being in a bad relationship! You will get there too, I promise. It may not happen as suddenly, but it will happen.
The really crazy part is that his new girlfriend kept calling me, and wanting to talk about how bad he was, what a liar, and a cheat, and on and on it went. I was getting so sick of hearing about it but she seemed so nice, I felt sorry for her. She was talking about getting a restraining order and she said she was afraid. And she is still dating him!!?? She goes through his phone records, she has called another of his ex girlfriends, and she is still there. Her desperation is what really made it all clear for me- I am not desperate! He is not a great catch or a wonderful, handsome man, he is a cheater and a liar. And I am so over him! Wow! What a great feeling! I have also blocked her emails and will never again take her calls, I am done. I am happy and free and I honestly do not care if they stay together or break-up or even get married. I truly feel sorry for him because he is so empty and her because she is stuck like I was.
Sorry to go on and on. I just hope that you understand that you will get to this point too. When I first recieved a call from this girl, I was crushed It turns out that it is what healed me. I am in no hurry to meet anyone else, I have a lot of time to make up for with my family and friends. I will have my "happily ever after" though someday, and so will you!
Hugs, Sharona
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