i'm asking everyone and jmsandradree..

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
i'm asking everyone and jmsandradree..
2
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 2:32pm

thank you for your thoughtful answers.. i wonder if you can look at this post and tell me what u think.. i value u'r opinion.. thanks..

"She called me last night.. It was not good.. She said- "How could you be so cold in sending me the discs and directions" I think she thought I would running over to her house helping her with her computer which I typically would do..
I guess I was also a little cold on the phone.. She also said.. "why are you so cold on the phone"..
I came clean with her once again.. I told her that I am hurt and its not that easy to talk to her.. It hurts alot.. I told her I fell in love with her and that its difficult to talk to her.. We spoke about other things of what she needs now.. to be free.. and
she is dating.. She asked me if I was.. i told her that i dont want to know if she is, so i did not tell her.. it was a very hard phone call.. I also told her that she seems very carefree while I am hurting.. she said she has lots of distractions with her custody battle and all.. i told her i understood, but it still hurts..
I then told her to take the computer to Bestbuy to get it fixed if the discs did not work.. she was very upset with me telling her that.. so i felt bad and told she can send it back to me and i'll fix it.. but she said.. "FORGET ABOUT IT.. ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM."
It was also tough because all the time I was telling her that I was hurt with everything going on, she never once said anything that would make me feel remotely a little better.. Like I'm feel bad your hurt, etc.. She was just very selfish thinking about the computer, and how I help other friends and why I cant help her..
So.. towards the end of the conversation I was feeling worse and worse and she said something like "so u dont want me ever calling you again?" in a weird tough tone..
I could not say anything.. all I did was say goodbye and I hung up.. I was on the verge of tears..
Can you please tell if I did the right thing.. thanks.."

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 12:57am
Definitely did the right thing! Move on and keep smiling :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 10:46am

Hi, I've been away visiting the 'rents this weekend.

I absolutely think you did the very best thing for you. Right now, emotions and thoughts are completely jumbled and it's so easy to lash out at each other. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She can't want to have her space, be apart, but then have you come over or be at beck and call whenever she's feeling upset or remorseful about your break up. You can't move right away into friend territory, just not possible in a relationship where true feelings were involved.

Her comment about helping her friends and not her, well, you're not in love with her friends, now are you? So yes, that would be much easier for you to do. It's ok, she'll be fine and you'll be fine. But I believe you two need some space and time away from each other in order to let those negative and hurt feelings between you settle out. MAYBE someday you two can talk about this again, when she's not so confused and mixed up about her feelings, and when you're not still stinging from the break up, but I fully believe that any possibility of a future discussion would be completely destroyed and sabotaged if you try to talk "rationally" while your hearts are still hurting and you're still reeling from the pain.

My feeling is that she was hiding her pain by concentrating the talk on the computer, which was the 'valid' reason she called, but not the real reason. She probably puts up a tough front when she's hurt in order to save face and not 'lose it' in front of you. Guys do it all the time. I've been guilty of that, I think many people have.

Help your heart heal, don't second-guess yourself now. You've shown sincerity and thoughtfulness to both her and yourself. Your heart and your feelings are worth respecting and you've shown her that, too. Until she can show all this back to you and her actions reflect that, you will continue to be hurt by her.

I'm sorry you're hurting, I know it's still fresh and raw. Being away from each other for a while will help.

Sandra

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