I'm doing all the wrong things...help
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I'm doing all the wrong things...help
| Mon, 04-04-2005 - 10:10am |
Hi -- I broke up with my bf this week. But it's been such a weird break up - totally out of the blue...well on this occasion anyway. We've been arguing throughout our relationship -- he thinks I spend too much time with my family and not enough with him. Now I feel so lost without him -- it's like I can't imagine myself or my life without him. We spent this weekend together, and I thought the point of this weekend was to try to patch things up and get back together again. We had a great day on Sunday, both laughing/joking being affectionate, but not overly so because I still felt there was a barrier between us. I went back to his place, and I really was very hopeful that things were getting better. Then he starts slipping things into the conversation - referring to me as his "former girlfriend", and always implying that I was now no more than a friend. I suddenly realised...in his mind he had broken up with me. I could have slapped myself for behaving so naively, so stupidly thinking that things were gonna be alright. We'd broken up before but got back together again, so naturally I thought we could get through this patch again. By that time it was too late for me to go home so i had to stay the night. Without saying anything he rolled out his duvet on the floor and told me to take the bed. This was like a punch in the stomach - I was still expecting to share a bed with him. All these things were so final, and I feel I haven't been properly prepared for this. What really hurts me is that he'll quite happily say that I look beautiful, and joke around with me the way we used to when we were going out. When he does these things it gives me some hope that we could get back together. This morning, i took my stuff from his place back to mine. I hadn't slept the whole night, I felt a wreck. I was battling tears. He seemed fine. I really, really, really didn't/don't want to break up. I love him so much. Then later today I sent him some messages saying how much i missed him and how much i want to get back together with him. I'm willing to try anything. I re-read my messages (after i had sent them) - I sound so desperate and needy. I hated myself for doing that, for not having enough self respect to move on. But at the same time, I still really wanted to get back with him. My mind is so messed up right now. His messages back were "goodbye", "you are the sole reason why we broke up", and "I'm looking forward to finding a girl that loves me". Why do I want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with me??? I've just sent him another text saying that i love him and asking does he love me...why did I do that??? He hasn't replied yet...I don't know what I'm hoping for...

Hi
I know you are hurting and you have made some mistakes right now b/c of that, but you can recover from them by stopping to have any contact with him. He is clearly hurting you by what he says, do not let him do this to you. If you continue on talking to him, he will keep on saying hurtful things to you, b/c he feels annoyed and bothered since he decided to move on.
Remember you do not deserve a guy who would say hurtful things to you, so stay way from him. I know it is tempting, but to preserve your own heart, you have to do this for yourself. You do not deserve to be pushed away by anyone, so please do not put yourself in that position so he can hurt you again.
You want him back, so you are trying to keep in contact with him and to convince him to come back. This will not work, and he will be mean and hurtful, b/c he does not want it at this time at least. It is difficult but you have to let him go. You are hoping he will change his mind, but if he does that he will do it on his own. Nothing you do will make him.
You want him back b/c he left and you were not prepared to let him go. You are sending him messages b/c you are hoping he will reply that he was just joking and he does love you, but this is like opening Pandora’s box. This man will annihilate you when he replies to this message b/c he is looking forward to a new love in his life like he said and does not want to be bothered with anything that he already put in the past. I’m sorry to say it this way, but I really believe this is what he thinks based on what you said he wrote.
Do not let him bring you down and hurt you. I’m so sorry that things turned out this way. Do things for yourself now, and try best you can to forget him. It will take time, but it will happen.
Take care of yourself, spend time with friends and try new things and learn about yourself. If he ever wants to re-enter your life he can catch up with you while you move on from here, b/c you deserve a guy that you won’t have to wait for to make up his mind to be with you.
Take care