Im doing the break why am I so sad?!
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|Wed, 01-23-2013 - 7:06pm|
So I am needless to say devistated.
My story is very unique and I am desperate for some comfort. Sadly, my support system claims to be existant however when I go to turn to those who always turn to me and I am there, noone is able to be found.. So I turn to you, stranger on the other end of this note for some comfort. I thank you in advance for your time.
So, my story however a long winded one I will sum up in short.
I ended a relationship three years ago with an emotionally disconnected man that I loved so much and got my heart broken. Months later I found the man I am with now- my now soon to be ex.
We met through mutual family friends, instant emotional connection- lots of attraction, - problem was we were long distance. States away. He had his job I have my career here..
We struggled for our first year together with the distance and all that goes with it-jealousy, missing, and all the conflicts against us. We fell in love fast- he moved very quick which I was a bit hestiant but went with because for the first time I had found someone that fell in love with me and showed it in every way-
After a few months into the relationship I saw some red flags but I was so blinded - He was ( Is) a big drinker- his mood changes at the drop of a hat. We would go through cycles and terrible moments for me- verbal abuse etc. He is a war veteran with major PTSD mind you- so having grown up with this, I knew how to comfort him and being in those scary situations were nothing new to me-
Why was I in this relationship when my childhood was a prominent staple of what I didnt want to be or be with...
Problem is now two in half years have passed. We were engaged- a blackout evening of a brawl asking for his ring back in a drunken rage and twice broken up he has moved here to my state and while things are better- the only thing better is the length of time between each episode. I thought perhaps the distance was what the big factor in the abuse was however I am sadly wrong. This relationship is killing me. I have asked him to leave, and I find myself more upset than him. I am a mess, truly heartbroken- Why?? Battered wife syndrome? Fear of being alone at 30??? anyone listening please share your thoughts.. I am making the right decision, but why am I devistated and crying like I am making a terrible mistake?!