I'm falling out of love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
I'm falling out of love
3
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:05am
Hello again. I posted here last week stating that I took a break from my "on and again, off again" boyfriend. We've been having a lot of arguments lately about not spending any quality time together anymore other than seeing each other at work. Obviously, we work together, but he was on vacation from work last week and that gave me a chance to have some time to myself to think about if he is worth all the heartache that I've been going through with him for the past few months. I avoided all his calls for about five days all the way into the weekend. I just got so sick of him promising to do more things with me, then going back on his promise at the last minute. Anyway, when he retured to work Monday, he came to me saying how he missed me and how he can't take being without me. I thought this would make me happy as it has in the past when we'd fall out, but I think the time to myself made me realize just how insignificant he is in my life right now. He's the type of guy that only shows attention when he thinks I'm upset with him. The minute he thinks he has me, it's like I hardly see him, or he just does nothing to make me feel anything for him...not like he did when we first started dating. That first day of us speaking again was so nice. He called me every hour on the hour and was really affectionate. But the days that followed, he went right back to being too busy to show me any attention. This used to hurt me so much when he did it in the past, but now I'm realizing that he's just not going to change, and the great part about it is it does not hurt anymore. Well, not as much... and I think with just a little more time of "ignoring" him, he will be out of my system for good. So, my advice to anyone that is going through what I went through, with an up and down relationship, just spend some time to yourself to think hard about how important he is in your life. When you find that you don't miss him like you used to, then you'd know it's time to move on. I'm glad that I'm finally realizing that. At least the tears have stopped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:17am

Its good that you are starting to feel better about this situation. I was in one similar and its is since over. It still hurts because of the things he has said. I don't think you should stay with anyone who makes you feel this way. I think that sometimes people stay in relationships because they have become confortable with someone (which is good) but the feelings arn't there anymore (which is not good). I stayed in my reltionahip for convenience and I was fully attracted to other guys.

Its hard for me now. I know that it is over. And it hurts a little since he is seeing someone else after 2 weeks. He told me that he feels bad for me since hes already seeing someone and I have nothing. You know, I don't have nothing. I have a great family and friends. This reationship messed up my self image so badly that I can't see someone right away. I'm also pretty sure that he is seeing this girl for validation.

You know if it is the right thing to break up with him or not. If youre not comfortable with the way youre being treated than you might as well break it off. It's not worth compromising your self-worth like I did.

I wish you luck.
Ibis

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:32am
ibis2, thanks for that. As far as seeing someone else, I'm so burnt out on this guy, I don't want to be bothered with anyone else for a while. My co-workers are trying to encourage me to date someone else, as they know that this guy is no good for me and they know a couple of other guys are pursuing me, but I know it would only be a rebound and I definitely don't want that. I think I'm just going to concentrate on making myself happy and stop looking for happiness in others. Now if he starts seeing someone else, I know it would kill me, especially if it's someone in the office that he throws in my face, but I'll just have to keep my head up and move on. I refuse to let him bring my feelings down any further. Again, thanks. I think we are going to be okay in the end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 1:08pm

Honestly, if he starts seeing someone its alright!! The person I was seeing is seeing someone who lives in the same building as the both of us. You know what, I don't care as much as I thought I would. I know that I can't jump into a relationship right away since I need to re-find out who I am, what I want and what makes me happy because I don't remember these things.

I know that while I was seeing him I became a different person that I wasn't liking and I needed to change that. If he didn't treat you like you deserve you're better off now. It may hurt like I have been hurting. Talk to friends... especially ones who knew you away from him. Validation doesn't come from others since you need to do it on your own but they will help you realize the qualities in yourself that make them want to be friends with you and what made you attractive and special to them. I live far away from my friends since I go away to school but just now I was talking to my best friend back home. Its nice to know people still see you as you used to see yourself!! Try not to think about him so much. Thats what I have been doing. Think about everything that you have. A life, health, a job, friends and family. Sometimes we invest too much into a relationship and forget that there are 2 people there and one of them is you!!

The nicest thing I heard today was from my bestfriend over the phone. She said that she knows that I am a strong person and that I am independent. I was glad to hear that someone still knows me that way! I just have to feel it myself.

Take some time for yourself. A therapist told me that maybe I should take some time to pray. Now I am not religious at all but the idea was appealing to me. I don't usually like to have faith in things I am not 100% sure of but I will try it since my roommate does go to church and she said it helps her. Try spending time with others and LAUGH! cause thats when I feel my best!!!

Take care and I know that you will be better!! This is just one of the things life throws at us and we learn from them!!

--Ibis