im feeling so down......help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
im feeling so down......help
10
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 11:31am
i have been doing ok til the last day or so. its been 5 days since i last talked to ex and he said he was talking to girls online and it was over for us. i guess deep down i thought after a few days when he didnt hear from me he would call me. nothing! i know i shouldnt even want him but man i cant believe he really dont care about me or miss me! i cant stand this wondering if he has someone new or not. is that why he dont love me or care! his daughter goes for her surgery on the 16th and well i got very weak and left him a message on his machine saying i was wondering if he could keep me posted on how she is doing? just becouse we are over doesnt mean we cant be friends! i know STUPID! after all ive read about no contact! im so disapointed in myself! i just want us back to how it was before all this mess! i miss him so much....i cant stop crying right now! whats wrong with me?? my mom says i just must like being treated badly...lol she is not very happy with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 12:31pm

Hi lostnluv1,


Here's your previous posts for others:


how do i move on??


do i do n/c with her too???


Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to heal and move forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 4:25pm
Wow! I'm not happy with your mom right now! She should be supportive, not making you feel worse! Anyway...the whole thing is a process. People here really helped me out in the early stages. It really is a roller coaster ride. I was sooooo low I thought I couldn't possibly make it. But eventually, I got better. I have been great for the past few weeks--no tears, no panic attacks. Its a little over 3 months now and guess what? Yesterday I was feeling anxious, sad and wanted to cry for some reason. Thoughts of him were back and I'm going--where is this coming from?!?! I don't know, but I do know they will pass. Guess I still have some healing to do. But I've made huge progress and I'm proud of that. Soon you will too. It will be ok in the end. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 5:33pm

hi,

i'm going to tell you something that one of my girlfriends told me when i broke up w/my bf of 5 yrs b/c he cheated on me. She said "girl why you are on the couch boo hooing they're out laughing and having themselves a good time" as soon as she said that i thought to myself you know what she's right. the girl that my ex cheated on me w/had the balls to call my house and leave me a msg saying that they were happy and how much she loved him etc. and my gf was right while i was at home in a woe as me state, they were out on the town. so what did i do, i got off that couch and decided that i wasn't going to waste any more tears, time or question my self or my actions. now, don't get me wrong i don't want to mislead you into thinking that i got over him overnight b/c that wasn't the case, i just wanted to point out that if I could have gotten over a 5 yr relationship -YOU CERTAINLY CAN GET OVER THIS!

now, i'm going to ask you the same question "WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME ON SOMEONE THAT HAS CLEARLY MOVED ON & HAS LITTLE REGARD FOR YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS?

when you put your time and energy into someone that doesnt/can't reciprocate those feelings back youre fighting an uphill battle that you will eventually loose. stop trying to go against the grain and except the fact that things are over. at this point, you know that they are over you just don't want to except it.

ravishing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 6:53pm
thank you so much for your words sniglet1!i know it will get better it just seems like today was a bad day. my mom does mean well she is tired of seeing me hurt over him, she really dont like him and well she hates to see me hurt...moms. hopefully tomorrow will be better! thank you again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 7:08pm
hi ravishingbeauty, you are so right! why am i wasting my time on him when he has no problem moving on! i have had some great friends ask me to go out and i keep telling them no im not in the mood sorry. one guy said are yu just gonna sit by and let life pass you by becouse of this creep who doesnt seem to be worried about you or your feelings! maybe thats what i need to do just pick myself up and move on! ive been sitting home feeling sorry for myself and letting the idea of him with someone else bring me down... ok now i feel better stronger alittle! dont know how im gonna feel a hour from now but thanks to you guys on here im ok now. you guys are the best! thank you for listening in my time of despair. im listening to looking for a new love by jodie watley....this song says it all lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:29pm

Sometimes moms hurt without you even when they're trying for the best.

I know my mom was the same way. She poked and prodded and yelled and ridiculed me. Jumped all over me all the time while I was grieving without realizing that I needed some time to work things out for myself. At the end I came to resent her because I hurt and her 'help' was making me feel worse about myself. I daresay you're at the same point. When you're ready to move on, you will, and the key is to let yourself do it without letting it define you. There's nothing you can do about the cycle of emotions...just ride it out, and don't act on them.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:51pm
thats true...thanks. im doing everything to move on. i had a moment of weakness today, hopefully tomorrow will be much better...thank you so much. this is a very hard thing to deal with! ill be glad when im all over him! it cant come soon enough! thank you all for your suport
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 10:25am

hi,

i just wanted to add that although its nice to go out and have a good time - try not to rush the grieving process. allow yourself to feel sad, angry, depressed, and lonely only then will you be able to deal with the ending of this relationship in a healthy manner. if you jump from one relationship to another without evaluating the previous relationship you might succumb to the same old patterns and feelings and project them on to the new guy - you don't want to do that! so go thru the motions it really is good therapy.

btw- as for the moment of weakness there's bound to be more.. feel free to call a gf or post on this board. xpressing your feelings will help the healing process.

ravishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 3:59pm
thanks, im trying to not go from one relationship to another...i know it isnt the right thing to do. i know these feelings are normal, but i hate always feeling sad or hopeless, somedays all i can do is dwell on him and im so tired of that too..lol. i just want to go out so i can try not to think about him as much. i still have things...alot of things at his house i have to get out and im even scared to go get them becouse im afraid ill see him with someone else or give me the cold shoulder and i cant handle that right now! im hoping in a week or two maybe ill be strong enough to do that then. im gonna try to get over him...and im so thankful i can write on here when i feel weak...ill be writing alot im sure lol! i seem to have more weak days than strong ones! but its a big help knowing i have so much suport on here!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 11:45pm

My mom almost disowned me for getting back together with my ex.... i feel your pain honey, i cant quit crying to.... although i hide it well, my friends from my new job wanted me to go to a company function that we sponsor and there would be a wide arrange of people to mingle with and get to know......... i had no interest at all...... so... you are not alone,....

how to get through it, I am not sure of that either, but, i will give words of encouragement on here when i can... so, keep your chin up, time heals all everyone has told me, and i am trying to preoccupy my mind with doing things to better myself... its the idle time that hurts...

keep your chin up, you have friends here.
A