I'm going crazy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
I'm going crazy!!
2
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 2:18am
I broke up with my bf about 3 weeks ago. I still continued contact with him. All the contacting was on my part. They were legitimate reasons. They were some of the bills that we needed to take care of. I know I was making up excuses to talk to him and I was only hurting myself by continuing contact. Anyways, I contacted him a week ago and told him I didn't ever want to talk to him again. I explained my reasons why and we left it at that. I broke the NC tonight and messenged him. Of course, he didn't reply so I tried to call him and of course he didn't answer. I knew he wouldn't answer or reply. So why did I put myself through that pain and agony?? Now I look like the ass. We left on good terms, but now I feel like we are enemies. I feel horrible! Why did I make such an ass out of myself. I made up an excuse why I was trying to contact him. I was over exaggerating the problem (a bill we had together). It wasn't anything that I couldn't of handled on my own, but instead I made it out to be this huge problem. He didn't respond. I feel like I am going crazy and trying to find any way I can to talk to him. I don't even want him back. He has moved on and has made that very clear to me. I am so upset with myself. Why did I resort to such low measures? I am missing him and still in pain. Why can't I just stick to the NC. I now feel like I am stalking him and I am sure he thinks the same. I am going crazy! The only thing I can think of is him. I can't eat or sleep. I am dying inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 6:39am

You are reaching out to a former comfort source who cannot give you close to what you need now. Only you can comfort yourself. Knowing the contact provokes shame, agony and humiliation, just stop. I know the feeling. There has not been ONE phone call since the split for me, 3 weeks ago today, that provided ANY source of comfort or well being. I wish I had the will power to stop. But all I can do is take one day at a time.

Try to settle within yourself a little. Confide in a girlfriend, read a good book addressing break ups..work out..do what you can to stay above the water. It will get better I hear...haa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 8:39am

i know how difficult the nc thing is. my 4yr relationship ended a bit over a year ago, and up until maybe 2 weeks ago, my ex and i still had contact. we also ended on a good note, and we still have such a strong connection, and we don't hate eachother, and still get along great, so it is very hard to have nc(especially seeing him). for me it was like a drug...i knew it wasn't good for my mental/emotional well-being, but this urge comes over me to call, and most of the time, i just couldn't fight, so i'd give in to the urge, and it was like a quick fix when i would talk to him or see him, but sortly after, i'd ALWAYS have a breakdown. the only thing i found that works/helped me somewhat is to stop myself in my tracks(when i get the urge), and consiously tell/remind myself(i try to look at the past, (what has happened when i have contact)and i look a few steps forward, and picture myself and how i'm going to feel in just a few minutes after i make contact, and that helps me most times to not give into the urge.

i don't think you should beat up on yourself...you're human after all. i'm not sure for you, but i know for me...it was hard to do nc because it somewhat became a habbit. and like the other poster said, it's a comfort zone.

try to stay strong...i know it's hard and it hurts soooooooooo much, but hang in there. your break up is still very fresh and recent so it's no wonder why you are hurting so much and still having difficulty with nc. unfortunately there's no easy way around this. but you will survive.

take care.