im heartbroken please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
im heartbroken please help
11
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 12:57am
Hi everyone Im here once AGAIN. I need your words, i need strenght.
Heres the story:
1 1/2 years ago i met this guy that changed my life. Lets say he has been my "first love". I met him at age 17 and i will be 19 soon. Ok the thing is that we were together for 6 months then he decided to break up with me. He told me that he was confused and that i was a wonderful person and that i deserved someone better than him. It was the worst feeling I had ever been through. So i came here and alot of you helped me. One month later he called me and asked me if he can pick me up. I was so excited, so in loved, that i said yes. He came for me and he told me that he misses me so much and that he loves me and to forgive him and if i wanted to try it again.Then he told me that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake he has made in his life. So i said yes. Since then i was with him for 1 more year until three days ago, he started to tell me that he needed time. He said that he was confused, that it had nothing to do with me. That i was "perfect" but that first he needed to learn to love himself. I asked him what he felt for me and he told me that he admired me, in spanish he had "cariño" for me. Hearing this broke my heart. Then he told me to forgive him and i started crying and i just hunged up the phone. There were times when he would make me cry because he would cancel our plans once in a while. Most of the time i was at his house, rarely would he come to mine. But then i was really happy with him. I would get along so well with his family and he would get along with mine. My friends tell me that sooner or later he will call me but i dont want to take him back because im afraid of him doing the same thing. I really need some advice here. Im just so used to him. He was part of my lifeeeeeee. This guy was "my first one" and only one. He is the same. We both were virgins and both gave evrything to each other. It is just so hard to even think of a future without him.


Edited 2/19/2006 1:03 am ET by swtgurl2005

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 3:44pm

swtgurl2005....

Pianoguy thinks you need to be honest with yourself and ask the following question:

"IS MY FIRST LOVE GOING TO BE MY ONLY LOVE?"

Knowing how irradical his behavior has been (twice), I think you already know the answer?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:45pm

Hi pianoguy:

I know that he may not be my "only" love but so far he has. I just can't think of the idea of falling in love with someone else. I just always thought he was the one. I dont know what to do. I feel so empty. sometimes i just feel like picking up the phone and telling him how much i love him, but i dont know if that would help. This is so hard, i really need suport, i need advice, i need words that will help me feel better. I find it impossible to live without him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:17am

Hi swtgurl,
I know you're hurting right now, but you have to trust me and others on this board, time will make things better. I am on Day 11 (?) of no contact/my last email to him and I have to say, things are slightly more sane. ;) Everyone on here said it gets better in time, you have to trust that... and it does. I was crying my eyes out every day, on my lunch hour, crying myself to sleep every night and somehow that eventually stops. I can't tell you when or how, but it will. And you will have bad days and ok days. There's no timetable for when you will feel better or accept you *can* live without him.

And the 'no contact' rule is the only rule you can truly live by to get thru this. It is the hardest thing to do when all you want to do is say hi, see if they're hurting too, but you can't.

I've found reading other people's posts on here has helped me so much. Just hang in there and post on here if you need to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:01pm
Thank you very much. Today is exactly a week since that day. :-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:04pm
And you haven't talked to him since? Has it gotten easier with NC yet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:59am
no i havent talked to him. Nc just makes me feel sad, empty, like if something is missing. Its not good to call him right?? I know he wont call me because I know him so very well! He has alot of "pride". But is it really possible to stop loving someone just like that?? Is it really possible that he doesnt love me anymore? After all this time???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:13am
I'm struggling with the same thing, but it's helping posting here. Make a list of all the things that were bad about your relationship and every time you want to call, read them. It's only been a week, it's going to take some time. But NC is making it easier for me. I've found the hardest part is after 7 p.m. at night when I know he's probably at work and could talk. That was when he used to call me. I've found if I can just force myself to get through that period of time without calling, I wake up the next morning just fine and happy I didn't call. I ask myself, what good is calling going to do? I'll talk to him briefly and it'll just reopen all those wounds again and then I'll feel bad that I broke down and did it. I'm feeling stronger every day. You have to focus on the future without him and all the good things about being away from him and all the things you'll have to look forward to when you do find someone worthy of you. Imagine how you'll feel two, three years from now when you think back on this guy and you're with someone who truly treats you well. If you haven't already, you should get "He's Just Not That Into You" and "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." I have the "He's Just Not That Into You" tear-off daily calendar and just reading those daily affirmations have helped me tremendously. Here's a quote I have taped to my computer monitor: "Don't put an absurdly high value on him. Think of the millions of other girls doing without him, yet able to bear it! "-Orfea Sybil
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 3:05pm
thank you, THANK YOU very much for your words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 3:55pm
Honey, he seems to be a user. He thinks of himself more than you. You are very important, but he only see's it when he want's to. You could do so much better. You don't need this up and down agony he is putting you through. It will be hard but you need to move on. Find someone who truly care for YOU. Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 4:16pm
I'm going thru the same thing right now. It's hard he keeps breaking up then taking me back I say I dunno give it some time make him realize just how much he'll miss you when he says you happy. Try to perk up he'll come back for good but don't take him back just yet make him really realize he can lose you for good

Pages