I'm meeting her tomorrow-5 weeks after

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
I'm meeting her tomorrow-5 weeks after
11
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:11pm

Hi there,

I can type long stories so I'll try to keep this short.

1.5 year relationship ended 5 weeks ago with a huge emotional fight. The day after, I had to go out of town for a few days. When I got back "we were done". I of course did the worst thing: i chased hard and all she did was pull farther back. I chilled out since, and as this is my bday week, i asked her for coffee and she agreed for tomorrow.

I love her with all that i am and want to do the right thing - considering i chased before and she prolly expects somelevel of that from me tomorrow as that would be predicatable from me, what do i do. Everyone says keep it SUPER light and don't bring up anything heavy, and other people say be totally yourself and if you feel like you want to talk about feelings go ahead. I have already apoligized over and over again so that doesnt need to happen, and she knows already how much i care.

So, as a woman, what would you LIKE to see in this situation, or more specifically, what might mess you up in the head a bit more. The guy you know who loves you but know is aloof and didnt act in the expected manner, or the light gift bearing guy that says c'mon babe, what are we doing...this is how we can work and here's why.

I have been blessed in relationships while in them as not much game playing has happend before, but in a situation like this i think sometimes its necessary, but i'm not sure. thoughts appreciated!




Edited 12/12/2006 3:15 pm ET by yzerman2001

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:18pm

Sorry, but you sound lots like my ex. I broke up with him 2 months ago and he has not let up. All that it has done is pushed me further and further away. I don't even want to talk to him at all now. His bday came about 6 weeks after the breakup and he asked me out to dinner. ALL he did was talk about how he missed me, missed us, doesn't want this to end. It competely pissed me off. Everytime I give an inch, he takes a mile. Now I am completely without contact. He contacts me under the guise of it being about something else, then talks about the relationship and feelings

If you want to talk feelings, tell her this. If she doesn't, respect that. If you really just want coffee and some company on your bday, you had better keep it to coffee and light convo - not feelings.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:25pm

What I think I would want would be a combination of light conversation and a *short* statement from you saying something like, "You know I'm very sorry about what happened, I won't keep dwelling on that. I would like to try again, but I will respect your feelings on this. If you want to try again, I hope you'll let me know". And then DROP IT (unless she wants to talk about it and asks you questions) and move on with the conversation.

I think you have to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room (your breakup and the fact that you want to try again) but you don't need to beat it to death.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:29pm

just b/c you're mad at your ex doesn't mean you need to give me a big thumbs down! RAWR..

seriously tho.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:32pm

I'm not mad at him. I've moved on. He is holding on. The relationship is over.

You are holding on to a relationship that's over. You've made it clear how you feel. If she felt the same way, you'd be together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:35pm
Have you wondered why she said yes?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 7:31pm
i know why she said yes, it's b/c she loves me but doesn't think we can work but is still ever curious. i didnt beg and plead for her to meet with me i just asked her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 8:05pm

I had an ex 'just ask' me to meet.... my feelings were different than those that you describe your ex to have.

I hope it turns out the way you hope. Post an update after it happens.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:08pm
How did it go?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:11pm
confusing :) (last week)between the "you have to move on" as she is lightly dating, we petted and then made out when i dropped her off. i also saw her tonight for our 1 hr impromtu xmas at our fav bar and i got another kiss at the end of the night but she wants to be "friends"...sooo who knows. she either wants me around to see if her new fling doesnt work out and just misses me, wants me to prove myself to her, or i dunno what. she knows my feelings already so i will be aloof yet around and see what happens. best course of action, no? or do i really back off and make her make a move?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 2:33am

Wow. Are you sure you really want to get back together with someone who would toy with you like that, knowing how you feel?

Huh. Go figure.

Sheri

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