I'm not doing too well

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
I'm not doing too well
19
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 2:07pm

I am in day 5 of no contact even though we broke up 5 weeks ago. I was naive and tried to tell him how he was the love of my life and how I would wait for him while he "finds himself". He basically said no. We were together for 3 years.

I go through feeling so sad and empty to being so angry that I want to see him only to punch him and walk away.

How do people recover from this? How am I ever going to be able to look at the good times we shared and be happy for the memories? Right now, I feel like everything coming out of his mouth was a lie from Day 1.

I'm not going to get back together with him. My ex is the type who shuts down so I know he will not call me again. I do know in my heart that we were not going to last but why does it hurt so much?

My birthday is Saturday. I'm going out with friends. We're going to a restaurant that I took my ex too and then it became one of "our" restaurant. Don't know how smart that is but it is what it is. Any advice how to get though the night without bawling?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 3:10pm

Welcome to the board swallens,


Get a punching bag or use a pillow. Scream into a pillow as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 3:18pm

It is not going to be easy but you can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 3:36pm

My situation was a lot like yours. Three months ago my ex broke up with me and didn't look back. Our NC started right off other than me texting him a few times about a month later, which only made things worse.


When we broke up he told me that we could probably hang out and stuff in the future, whatever, he just said that, he didn't mean it. He got a new girlfriend pretty fast and so he ended up not wanting to be friends. So after some text messages i

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 5:03pm

Thanks for the thoughts guys. After I wrote the post, I took a nap. First time in over 5 weeks I feel asleep and stayed asleep for bit without having a horrible nightmare about him! Small victories, eh?

I appreciate you telling me that I will, I can get through this. My mind tells me I will and my heart is still just screaming. And there's the pain. A friend of mine says I am like the interval cycle on a treadmill- I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down. I'm feeling more up now.

Greekgirl- It is nice knowing that someone else is kinda going through the same thing. I too have gotten really upset reading some of these posts about him calling back. I guess mine was decent enough when we did get in contact but then he told me (again) how over it is. As much as it hurt, I think that time hearing it struck a note in my head. Like, wow, I just opened myself up to him, told him my deepest thoughts and feeling about this and he still said no, he can't do it anymore.

I am pretty proud of myself. Though it is only day 5 NC, I feel like I have gone through a mini-war. My ex is currently on a reality TV show and his show was on in these past 5 days. I wanted to be out of the house by the time it aired but I was stalling. I made myself look nice- did my hair and make-up. I came downstairs and saw the first five minutes but then I turned around and left for the entire show. It was sort of hard and I was by myself but I did it. So I haven't watched the show, haven't looked at the website, basically put myself in another form of NC. I just can't wait until it is over. I feel like I am saturated with him being on the show and he has it that much easier because I am obviously not on a national show. I feel once I get through this, I will be so much stronger than before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 5:16pm

Hi Swallens,


Our stories are so similiar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 6:10pm
hey greekgirl23- i'm in the same boat as you. on New Year's day my boyfriend of 3.5 yrs took off after a huge fight we had. we had lived together for 3 years. he left and that was the last i have heard from him. its been two months now and nothing... not a text, a call... nothing. i really dont understand how someone that spent so much of their life with me can just take off. how can he be that upset with me? he is like your ex, he just shuts down and rather not deal with it than make things work. he did that with everyone of our arguements. eh.. oh well..the first few weeks I emailed him twice and text messaged him maybe 3 times and he never replied. so its been about a month that i havent tried to contact him and i'm still missing him. i do hope that it gets easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2008
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 7:26pm

Hi Swallens -


I'm right there w/u

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 1:06pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 1:19pm

i think thats the way that guys like our exes deal with things. i dont know about yours, but mine never wanted to face conflict. he'd rather just get pissed off about things and then never want to talk about it afterwards so we could try to fix it and not let it happen again.

i also think that guys like ours deal with breakups by jumping into new relationships. i dont know if my ex is, but i would not be surprised. luckily when he took off he moved back to our hometown a couple hours away, so i dont have to worry about seeing him out with anyone. i've been very good the past month to not look at his myspace page at all so i wont know what or who he's doing. i know it will just hurt me to find out. one thing that i think we both know is that these rebound relationships they get in will more than likely not last. and he hasnt given himself the time to grieve appropriately, so all his problems will just come out in his new relationship anyway.

in my opinion i'd pity the poor girl that has to deal with his problems now. haha!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:13pm

haha! thanks for that comment marcie. I was thinking that myself. he certainly jumped into the relationship, no doubt. sometimes rebounds work, sometimes they don't. I was just pretty upset because i know he's the guy that doesn't like to waste his time in meaningless relationships, part of his romanian culture. But he's so damn immature that i don't really think he can think straight anymore. but whatever, i'm not going to worry about it

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