im pregnant and i cant get over him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
im pregnant and i cant get over him...
2
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:01pm
I was in a relationship of two wonderful years. We lived together for 1 year and were engaged a little before I got pregnant. It wasnt planned but we were very happy. Everything was going so wonderful up untill I was 6 months pregnant. He started to be just different and distant. I knew something was wrong. Us women have that 6th sense especially if we know our men. When things started to get worst I had a serious talk with him and the truth came out. He said he had his doubts and that he didnt see me the same way that he did. He ended up breaking up with me and I moved in with my aunt and I am still there. It has been very difficult especially because I am now 7 months pregnant. I am trying very hard to move on for my baby's sake but it is just too hard because i still love him the same way, maybe more. I still see him and talk to him almost everyday and that helps me get through the day. he didnt completely abandon me. He is still there if I need something and he is giving me money but i am just not happy with myself because I still allow him to kiss me and to make love to me. Am I stupid for allowing this to happen? I know that it is wrong but I feel like I need him and every moment spent with him I feel better about the situation. He has told me he misses me but cant be with me. I just dont understand and I think I wont. It is very hard for me especially now that I know he is buddy, buddy, with his ex girlfriend. He swears to me that they just talk and are very good friends but I dont know if he has feelings for her, which he denies. Please I need some kind of advice anything would help. I dont know what to do and I cant stand the thought of loosing him completly and thats why I think I still allow myself to make love to him and be around him. I hope I didnt confuse you guys with my situation. I hope I made everything clear and hopefully somebody is going thru something similair and can help me. The hardest thing is to have to go to sleep alone and wake up alone. I guess after a month, I am still not use to it. I dont want to fall into a depression because my baby will suffer and that is the last thing I want to happen. what am i suppose to do when i feel that i cant breathe without him?? Help!!!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 7:27pm
Hi,

I don't know what to say to help you. I am very sorry for what you are going through. Your baby is your first priority. I know it may seem like your ex is being helpful, but he's using you...in a very bad way. You can't move on if you are still around him. you're hurting yourself by doing this. How can spending time with him make you feel better about the situation? Of course, I can understand that I guess. Being with my ex after we broke up made me feel like I still had him in my life....but in his head he was gone. Long gone. He still feeds me the crap that he wants me in his life as his friend...he had his chance with me, and he blew it....and so did I with him. So hon, you gotta decide what is important to you. I know it's hard. I know you hurt, I know you want him around for your baby. But ya gotta put up limits and clearly define what is appropriate behaviour. Sleeping with him has gotta end. I know you know that. Having him around may make you feel better, but it's holding you back...there are guys out there who will not leave you......you'll find someone else. There are sooo many people out there. But take care of you and your baby first. I'm wishing you only the best.

karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 2:17pm
Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry you're hurting and I know that being pregnant is only making you more emotional...which makes it that much harder to get over him. I know you don't want to stop all contact with him and if he's going to be a part of the baby's life you really can't. But I think you should stop being so readily available to him and stop the intimacy because as long as he's getting the benifets without the responsibilities he'll have no reason to go back to the way things were and if he stops contact after you stop the intimacy then you know he's only using you and doesn't deserve someone so loyal. What's going to happen when he gets a new gf? Are you going to be able to handle him stopping the intimacy or are you going to be able to share him? You know things can't go on like this forever and you need to set the boundaries now. No matter what you decide to do, we're here for you and i wish you only the best for you and your child. Good luck and keep us posted. You are always welcome here and can post as often as you like. Good luck. (((hugs)))
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