I'm a reck w/ false hope
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I'm a reck w/ false hope
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 12:23pm |
I'm 34 single female/no kids, the man I love is 42 two divorces/4 kids/ and really no money and I'm willing and have excepted the whole package. We have been dating for 2 1/2 yrs., we have had our up's and down's but who dosen't. Let me try to be short with this, a month ago he was at my house with flowers, banner and a card welcoming me home from a trip I was on. Card saying YOU ME US It's that simple, along with I'm sorry I'm so complicated I LOVE YOU!. The next weekend he was gone he called me every day 2-3 times and he bought me something that he really couldn't afford, the next weekend we went on a road trip for the day (IT WAS GREAT) then we got his kids and had a ball. During the next week we seen his kids, went to wine and cheese party, and for the weekend he had his kids and I was over there most of the time. While at his house he told me several times he loved me to infront of the kids. Ok now on Monday he comes over and tells me he can't do it any more and he has to get out. He doesn't know if he is doing the right thing but he needs to get out. He says after 2 years he doesn't believe its real love and I"m not the one he feels he could spend the rest of his life with. We don't talk for several days, then I tell him he needs to come get his stuff (I'm a reck), he comes gets most of it, tells me he doesn't want to do this but he has to and he says he isn't going to tell the kids this weekend he will tell them I'm out of town. Haven't talked to him in a week he hasn't come to get the rest of his stuff. I"m dying, what is he doing to me, false hope?????? HELP ME PLEASE!

"tells me he doesn't want to do this but he has to"
Why? What possible acceptable excuse is there for hurting you and dumping you if he "doesn't want to"?! And why does he have to? Gun to his head? He's got one excuse, and that would be that his kids. But it doesn't sound like they object so back to what possible acceptable excuse is there!?
"Haven't talked to him in a week he hasn't come to get the rest of his stuff. I"m dying, what is he doing to me, false hope??????"
False hope?!? What hope is that? True or false, I see no evidence of hope in what you've written here.
"He says after 2 years he doesn't believe its real love and I"m not the one he feels he could spend the rest of his life with."
That's all you need to know. After TWO YEARS you are NOT THE ONE. Why would you want to hold on to hope in that? I'd hope that after two years the man would KNOW you ARE the one. I would hope that he wouldn't dare dream of doing anything to purposfully hurt you. I would hope that you had the self respect to demand someone who wasn't in false love with you. Screw wondering about false hope, be damned if you'll accept false love. You deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve giddy, head-over-heals, I-can't-believe-I'm-so-lucky true love.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but it's over.
I don't know why people do this, but it always seems to me that guys and gals will try extra hard when they know a relationship is about to end, sort of like grasping at straws, maybe even to try to convince themselves they are mistaken, so they do all these things to convince themselves they are wrong (i.e. saying things, buying things, etc.)
For some reason, whatever it may be, he feels this isn't working and you're not 'the one', whatever that is, I personally believe there isn't just one, there are many, but off the subject. I would call him and tell him he has one week to get the rest of his stuff or it's going in the garbage. Get him and his stuff out of your life, so you can move on.
There is no false hope here...it's pretty clear to me.
I know what you re thinking. You probably believe that something is preventing him from being with you. Such as family status, financial , work, depression...
Chances it is none of them.
People in general and in love especially are too selfish to give up their loved ones because it is better for the loved ones.
It is very common that when somebody thinks it is unethical to dump you after 2 1/2 years of a relation where you sacrificed obviously a lot and made compromises because he is poor and has a family... that they try to hint it is some sort of secret reason/condition forcing them to bill out. So that they wont look as bad. That it is beyond their control and therefore they re not being jerks...
I ve heard so many of those stories. One was told to me by my Ex. This sort of secret reason seems to popup only when they want to breakup not when they want to start a relationship.
When I met my Boyfriend and he wanted to convince me of dating him he told me how he feels so ready to fall in love again and how he is finally over his history of problems...
When he broke up with me he told me that he will never be able to love again (which means he did not really loved me!!! he is divorced and pretends that he knows now he cannot love anymore)
I know I want a guy who knows what he wants. I dont want someone who is still discovering himself and who took 2 and 1/2 years to decide whether he can or cannot love again!!!
Forget about him... I m 30 y/o single with no kids. I ve broken up with my Ex 3 weeks ago. I m meeting so many great guys. I m not ready yet I guess for A relationship but this helped me put him behind me. I can easily talk about him as my Ex and see nothing of him in my future...
Edited 12/8/2004 1:02 am ET ET by juliara2003