I'm sad today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
I'm sad today
8
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 10:45am
I’m having a bad day! Tomorrow will mark the 3rd week of me not calling him, although he’s spoken to me a few times, in passing. I was finally starting to feel a little better about the breakup. I was keeping myself busy, trying not to think about him, ignoring him when he spoke to me in passing (we work together), and just trying to keep myself in high spirits just so I wouldn’t get weak and call him again. I hadn’t even cried in a while. I was really doing good the past two weeks. But today, for some reason, I’m missing him like crazy and can’t get him out of my mind. He didn’t come to work today, and we’ll have a long weekend off because of New Years, and for some reason, the thought of going that long without seeing him, even in passing and although we’re not speaking, has saddened me. I’m worried that I’m going to break down and call him this weekend. Please give me some words of encouragement so that I won’t! I’ve been doing so good and I don’t want to mess this up. What do you guys do in your weak moments?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:18am

I always wonder why that happens? How come some days we feel like we can conquer the world and others we are in the gutter and feeling helpless again. It's not fair. I heard somewhere it's your head trying to catch up with your heart. Your heart is so powerful when it comes to emotions, and your head is consistently trying to catch up with your heart and balance everything out. Sounds possible,right?

I am probably not the best person to give advice, because I have these days quite often. What I can say is that I usually deal with it by isolating myself. Not the wisest thing to do, but I don't have any family or friends where I am currently living, so it is particularly hard. If you have family and friends in the area, force yourself to spend time with them. I am fortunate to be home right now for the holidays, so I have been forcing myself to hang out with my family and see old friends. It doesn't solve anything long-term, and maybe not even short-term, but it certainly makes you feel a little better. I also call my most awesome friend in the world and we literally talk for hours and hours. She doesn't mind hearing me cry and complain for hours about my x. Without her, I don't think I would survive.

I hope I helped in some little way. I know what you mean about not seeing him over the weekend, but it's probably better that you won't. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Anyone who's been through a break-up knows that's bull, but there is a small sliver of truth to that. Hang in there. I always think about the future and how good it will feel to get my life under control again.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:22am

I really feel this moment of weakness you are experiencing has a lot to do with the holidays and all.

I too have had a tough time with this. I even posted yesterday when I got the strong urge to contact him after 40 days NC.

So in the meantime.DON'T CALL. Seek advice from members of board (like what you have just done), pray, reread your past posts of your journey since the breakup. These are the things I am doing in my situation and believe you right now as I am reading on this board the urge has diminished. But girl, in my case, this limbo situation I'm in even adds to the frustration.

But, JUST don't call when you feel a sudden emotional urge. Give it time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:23am
STAY STRONG!! I've read your posts, and you have come a LONG way. When I am feeling extra sad and weak, that's one of the main things I think of. Calling him WON'T HELP. You think it will because it's him that you miss...but you won't get what you want from talking to him. Odds are, it will make you feel worse! Like everyone says over and over on this board...take care of yourself. Realize what will help vs. what will not. It's ok to be sad still, and even MORE ok to let it out with tears. I've had some distressing moments where I felt I had come so far, yet there I was, sobbing so hard I could barely breathe--AGAIN. It sucks, but we all have those moments, and that's what this is for you. Be sad. Cry. Let it out again. But when your tears have dried, pick yourself up again and REALIZE that you have come WAY too far to even contemplate contacting him. You're doing great, and sadness relapses are totally normal! Think good thoughts, and if you find yourself with phone in hand, call a friend instead!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:30pm

I have moments when I feel like calling him. I wonder how he's doing or I'll think of something that I would have asked him about or reminded him of when we were together. Still, I know I'm doind so much better since we stopped talking. Every time my phone rings I say a little prayer "please let it be anyone but him" as I walk to pick it up. I felt like whenever we talked I had to go through everything in my mind all over again and go back and read my lists about why we broke up. Contact really does keep us confused. I just really hope he is doing ok.

Hang in there. It will get better with time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 1:11pm

Thanks! guys for all your encouragement. I put on 10 pounds moping around over him and this week I just started doing 2-mile speed walks on my lunch break. I wasn't going to go today because I was feeling so bad this morning, but after reading what you guys had to say, it pumped me up to go ahead and do my walk, and now I'm back at work feeling a whole lot better. You guys help more than you know! And I promise, I won't call him this long weekend! I think I'm going to spend the entire weekend at the gym or doing some kind of physical exercise because I absolutely hate this weight that I put on. Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 1:20pm

hi sprungandhateit,

well dont call him...read my post "OMG...GUESS WHAT??"

guys dont realized what they lost if we stick around and calling them...i havent call my exbf for about 1 1/2 month...last night he find a reason to see me...even it was late for him to go back home cuz he has work around 3:30am..

now my point if this guys/our exbf....really wants to talk or see us.. they will make a way no matter how busy they are...also what i realized if i dont call my ex he end up calling me...so i guess its better not to call him. right??

the weird part is your taking a risk if we start having contact again w/them...cuz maybe are feelings might get back or who knows...LOL

dont worry everything will be okay i know its hard for your situation cuz both of you works together....well my advise is ALWAYS LOOK BETTER/PRETTY....LET HIM DROOL...LOL

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2002
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 1:35pm
Sweetie, each day is going to be a work in progress. You haven't called him in three weeks because you could see him at work (although you haven't spoken to him). The best thing about this is you are expected to be weak during this period until you have reached a state of mind that eases your mind and you honestly know that it okay. Right now you don't feel okay because it still hurts and your heart wants something you have determined unhealthy for yourself. When me and my daughter's father split, I was always thinking about him. If he hadn't called to check on our daughter daily I would call his mom and ask her to call him to make sure he was alright. I was used to him being dependent upon me and not being there to dictate his daily events and knowing he has handled everything, it concerned me of his well-being. So not only was I dealing with the stress of the break up but just getting accustomed to the major change in my life of just worrying about ME. Once I got it in my head that it is normal to feel this way because this is a major change in a persons life, but what I realized is not once did I stop and think about myself. Try this, think about yourself the way that you think about him. When you think you miss him, think about yourself and what you can do to make yourself happy. I found that helped me out a great deal. I also found that it strengthened my character and how I saw myself. I hope you feel better, and hope you realize that what you feel is normal but learning how to cope and adjust is complicated, in due time your daily activities will become normal to you again and you will think back and realize you haven't thought about him or the thought of him has no affect on you. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 7:12pm

Those endorphins from exercising are amazing, aren't they? I swear that I work out more for my mental health than my physical health! Glad you got out there...

I wanted to post since I have a similar situation with a person at work (although our relationship was extremely casual, and really, not at all a good thing.) Nevertheless, it's HARD to not be able to really shut him out of my life completely. It was actually getting much better before he hooked up with a girl who sits 10 feet away from me, and knows nothing about him and I. That is driving me most crazy.

My point though is this - I've come to treasure the days he is off, or works from home, or days where I work from home - because I know that each of these days will aid in my healing process. I've gotten to the point where I desperately want all the space I can get. I know inside that it is helping me. Now, of course I need to deal with him once in a while for work matters, and he actually tried to make small talk the other day. So I can deal with him, and survive, but life is better when I don't have to.

Hang in there, I know you're doing your very best in a rough sitation!