I'm seeing him tonite

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
I'm seeing him tonite
5
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 10:05am

.. I think for the last time. I have to return his car so he can go to that wedding that we were supposed to go to.

It'll be sad. I'm saying it's the last time because I'm going to try to move on.

He hasn't said, "Let's be together, let's work on this, I want you and only you."

All he's saying is "Sorry" and I get SO MAD when he says that. I know he is sorry and I just want that "sorry" to be followed with, "And I want to make it up to you."

But I am starting to accept that may not be. That he is not being aggressive enough to want me. So I cannot wait around until he decides he wants to be with me.

I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I don't want to say I love him or I miss him, because I don't want to be the one showing my emotions first. Why won't he say those things?? I don't understand why he doesn't say it. I know he feels it. I think he's just afraid to say anything because he's afraid it may hurt me..

These past few days I've been sad, but I think just more fed up.

I want to so badly to tell him how I feel because that's just the person I am. But I'm always the first one to tell how I feel. Most of the time, he isn't the first to take charge and tell me how he feels about this (or any) situation until I ask him. So should I be stubborn and not say anything and wait till he says something? Or should I just be myself and tell him how I feel and leave my heart out there? Because it'll be the last time we ever communicate.. unless of course he wants to reach out and finally work things out with me.....?!

I don't know what I'm going to say tonight.. maybe just that he sucks for what he did to me (made out with a girl while drunk when we were having a fight, and is remorseful), but it's forgiveable, and I wish he figures himself out and what he wants, and I won't forget our good times, and ... I do love him and I miss him sooooo much .. but is it necessary to tell him??? Yes I WILL expect him to say what he feels after I say those things. And if he doesnt say anything, it will dissappoint me but it'll also reinforce my thinking that he just isn't the one for me if he isn't fighting to be with me.

I'm sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:45am
I think we are dating the same guy! LOL Seriousley you have read my posts on here and they sound very similar! When I opened up and put my feelings out there you saw the response I got from him. Still very confusing and frustrating. I did feel better after I got my feelings out there though. If you think it's really over then I think you can do whatever you want to feel better. Good Luck and let me know how it goes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 1:32pm

Hi r2boston,


I don't recall your entire story, but I'm going to say this based only on this post:


He can't say what you need to hear because he either doesn't feel it or he's afraid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 2:52pm

Hey -

Yah we definitely are going through something similar. With me though, I haven't truly started no contact but I know I will have to maintain it. I've been one week with no contact and even THAT is sooooo hard.

And also with my situation, I think it may be easier for me to get over him because he screwed up - he cheated on me while we were dating (making out, no sex though). Even though he's truly sad and remorseful, he hasn't stepped up and said "Let's get back together and work this out."

Maybe after he's worked on himself on his own, he may decide to be with me. But as for now, I can't take back a cheater if he can't BE with me now, if he is going through his own issues and doesnt want to (or can't) work it out with me. I'm going to give him his time, and not wait around..

Thanks for your advice and support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 3:11pm
You're welcome! I too keep hoping that he fully entends to come back to me after he works out his issues. I don't think it will happen but I keep that hope alive for some reason. Doing that is only going to prolong this pain and I know it! I think it would be easier if he told me because he didn't love me anymore but to know that he misses me, loves me, fights calling me and wants to come sit with me on my couch makes me hurt even more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 3:57pm

Thanks Carrie -

My story: BF cheated on me after 2 years of dating. he made out with another girl. He was stupid and is remorseful and it was a one time thing. But he can't be with me right now cause he's figureing out why he did it. And I'm frustrated.

I know he does love me but is afraid to say anything stupid. All he can say is Sorry because I feel that he has nothing more to say than that. I think he knows that he loves me and is very sorry but can't say anything more than that because even HE thinks what he did doesnt make sense - cause why would you cheat on someone you love?? Therefore that's why he tries to shut up.

Generally he's that type of guy that doesnt say much to me in heated situations because he is afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or not articulating his feelings correctly.

Plus he's confused about some things and probably doesnt want to talk much because he doesnt have the answers to mine, let alone, his own questions.

I also so hope that I get to the acceptance stage quick.

Thanks again. :)