I'm sick to my stomach

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
I'm sick to my stomach
3
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 10:16am
Here is my story....I'm 43 with a daughter who is 13. My ex-girlfriend is 45 and has two children, 12 and 14, a girl and a boy.
We met close to four years ago and waited until we thought it would be right to introduce the children.
At first, everyone got along really well. So much so, that about two years ago, my daughter and I moved in with her and her children, and I sold my home.
A year ago, I put lots of money into adding an addition to her home since, five of us in one bathroom wasn't working.
At this point, we had arguements from time to time and the kids didn't always get along but, to me, that was everyday life, the goods and the bads, like everyone has.
By the time I finished the addition, which was about a month ago, she tells me that, this isn't working anymore and she doesn't love me.
She wanted me to move out and find a place to live. We fought and fought every day and said mean things to each other.
We had to get a home equity together to pay for the addition and so now, she has a huge mortgage to pay for her house and I doubt she will be able to pay for it.
I moved out this past weekend and she and all the kids helped to move us out.
I took them all out to dinner and we had a great time but then, after dinner, she got mad at me and said dinner was a mistake.
Then, the next day, I have to go to her house to get two more items I left there, and so, because she asked me to leave her alone, I didn't say anything to her and kept my distance.
So, then yesterday, I still have her garage door opener and her son's video game, so I call to say, I will come by to drop them off.
She says she needs to go shopping and so do I so we agree to call after shopping so I can drop off the items.
Well, wouldn't you know that, of all the gin joints in the town, we have to be shopping at the same exact store at the same exact time. I see her in Target and so I give her the items and I have one last paper to sign at her house so we agree to meet at her house after we leave the store. I say, you will owe me a drink and so she says fine.
We get to her house, and sit and have a drink together and talk. She asks why didn't I talk to her when I came over to get my stuff yesterday, and I said, because you asked me to leave you alone. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
I love her and tell her so, she says she doesn't love me anymore and her eyes get all red and almost to tears. Then she says I better go so I go.
So I am thinking, she knows she loves me but can't stand all the fighting and that's why she broke up with me.
She sends me an email this morning, saying that she doesn't love me, and doesn't want me to call her, or stop by her house, or anything to do with her anymore.
I miss her so much, I am going crazy.
Thanks for reading my story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:01pm

Hi robp and welcome to the board,


Did either of you bring up counseling together as an option?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:49pm

Yes, we went to counseling a few times as a couple. Then, she went on her own and I have an appt. for myself next week. I should have known the 'on her own' appt was because she was done with us.
It hurts so much....I love her with all my heart. She says there is no way we can ever get back together and she is sorry, but that is how she feels.
She will be heading out to Florida at the end of the week for five days, with her sisters for a girls time out. She is the only one who is divorced out of five girls in the family. The rest are all married. She got divorced over six years ago, and I met her, I think, two years after her divorce. I'm also divorced.
I'm hoping she will miss me while she is away but I doubt it will change things. She is pretty addament about her feelings since, this is the third breakup we have been through. The last one was two years ago and I thought we were passed that.
At least I have my daughter with me but I am trying so hard not to make her feel bad about my problems. The last thing I want is for my daughter to think it's her responsibility to try and help me feel better about this.

Thanks for responding to my post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:03pm

Hi again,


::At least I have my daughter with me but I am trying so hard not to make her feel bad about my problems. The last thing I want is for my daughter to think it's her responsibility to try and help me feel better about this.


Good for you. It's important to protect your daughter. Go do some fun things with her.