I'm so bummed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
I'm so bummed
2
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 10:01pm

Today is his birthday. I posted last week that I wanted to email him and wish him a happy birthday. Everyone advised me not to, and I didn't. In the meantime, he called and left me a message to say hi, he was thinking of me, we'd talk soon. He didn't ask me to call him back, and I didn't. I have been so upset all day, thinking about him - what he's doing today, is he still dating the girl he started dating right after me (probably) and will he even notice I didn't wish him a happy birthday.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel awful ignoring his birthday. I feel even worse thinking that I may never talk to him again. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 10:40pm
I know this whole "no contact" thing seems very harsh at first especially when you have to avoid wishing him a happy birthday.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 10:57pm

Yes, I think it's the right thing to do...

You aren't ready to be in contact with your ex--it would only hurt and confuse you. I know it sucks not being able to wish someone that you care about something as simple as a "happy birthday." But we both know that it would mean more than that to you...it would be another attempt to reach out to your ex, and you've already done enough of that.

My ex and I broke up last May and played the on-again-off-again contact game for months. We finally stopped talking for awhile. But his birthday was in October...I debated forever over whether or not I should send him birthday wishes. In the end I didn't--at least not on his ACTUAL birthday. A few days later, I gave into my urges and sent him a simple IM that basically said I hoped he was doing well and happy birthday, etc. He responded, but it wasn't anything too friendly or welcoming.

My own birthday was this past March, and I didn't hear anything from him. It didn't really surprise me, and I was pleased to discover that I didn't really care at that point. Now I'm doing great and I wouldn't even dream of contacting my ex on his birthday this year.

Like your ex, mine started dating someone else right away and it was very painful for me. But I found that I only caused myself even more pain when I would try and keep in touch, check up on him, etc. I tortured myself by constantly thinking about his new girlfriend and if they were happy together. Whenever I talked to him, he would bring her up and it really hurt to hear about her. So I came to my senses and stopped doing the things that were bringing me pain--I stopped calling, IM'ing, texting, etc...I stopped checking his profile online, I stopped talking to him period. Out of sight, out of mind--right?

Eventually I began to feel better...everytime I started to think of my ex, I would stop myself. And I learned that as time went by, I began to not care as much. I talked to him not that long ago--we actually discussed everything that had happend between us, and what was going on in our lives now. He's still with that same girl. He wants us to be friends...but I don't see the point. I think a part of me will always care about my ex, but I don't care to know him anymore. The thought of never speaking to him again used to KILL me...now I'm not sure if we'll keep in touch or not, and I know I'll be fine either way.

It gets better and you will get stronger...until then, good luck to you. Don't worry about not wishing him a happy birthday! Take care of YOURSELF and try not to think about him...keep yourself busy and try to stay out of contact with your ex. It's hard, but it really does help...