I'm so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
I'm so confused
3
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:28pm
After about a year and a half, Sunday night, my, well, ex-bf now, broke up with me. He called me at work and said that we needed to talk. So when I got home, I called him, and after finally getting him to open up, he said that he thinks we need some time apart. He promised me he would always be here for me, and the least we'll ever be is really good friends. I have high hopes that maybe someday we will get back together. And he's told me that we might someday down the road. It's been a really long, hard couple of days. So, he called me this morning, like normal, to see how I'm doing, how I slept, etc... and decided to tell me that he's seeing someone else already!!! But swears to me that he didn't cheat on me! What is really confusing about that is for the last couple months, it's been really hard for me and him to see each other due to opposite work schedules, he now has two jobs, and is going to school. But now this new girl lives about 4 hours away!! One of the things he told me Sunday night was that he didn't feel as if we were dating the last couple months because we never got to see each other, now he's "dating" someone 4 hours away?? So, I asked him how it was that he could move on so quickly, and he says he doesn't know. My opinion is, I think he just needs some time to maybe go out and party with his buddies, and drink and have his freedom. I also think that maybe he's just scared of what would have happened between me and him, I definately think he has some commitment issues.
At first, I was really upset about the inital break up, but the more I think about it, I think it may be a good thing. Slow things down, grow up a little bit, then maybe start over. And he agrees, and yes, I'm devistated that he's seeing someone else already. I'm just really confused about the whole situationa, and I don't know what to do. Anybody to give any advice or help would be greatly appreciated !! Thanks in advance. !
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:26pm

He doesn't know eh? that sounds like BS to me, guys always know. If you were dating for a yr and a 1/2 and he just jumps ship like that into another woman's arms, chances are he's been involved with her for a while, maybe not physically (which is where he feels he can honestly say he didn't cheat) but emotionally for sure. probably been talking online for a while, couldn't decide whether or not to actually pursue this new girl, realized he had a shot and finally he mustered up the courage to end things with you - using commitment, distance and "not ready to settle down" as excuses? Maybe i'm wrong, but the situation seems pretty familiar. not ALL guys are wired this way, but most of us won't end something that works unless there's something better that comes along, even if the relationship is "meh", it's better to have something rather than nothing.

you seem to be in an okay place about this right now, just cruise with it. since you 2 weren't seeing each other all the time due to your schedules hopefully this process won't be too hard on you. sorry =/

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 3:32pm

Hi dreamergrl610 -

""One of the things he told me Sunday night was that he didn't feel as if we were dating the last couple months because we never got to see each other, now he's "dating" someone 4 hours away?? ""

Okay that just sounds like a blatant excuse to me. If he really was into you so strongly then he would have made time for you. Because why is he with this other girl that he probably won't see as much as he did you?

It'll be so tough, I know, but after a while, I think you'll realize more so what's going on - maybe he is trying to be young and single and doesn't want to commit. Boys can be very ambivalent about commitment and relationships.

Honestly, if my guy who I've dated for 1 and a half years, breaks up with me, and the day after tells me he's seeing someone else, I would have dropped him in a second! I wouldn't even think about having hope with him in the future because he decided to be with someone else instead of me. That just shows me that he wasn't even really into me leading up to the breakup. So why would I wait and have hope for someone who wasn't even that into me and didn't put effor into me but decides to go put effort into someone else? It would gross me out to think that he got over me so quick and is "with" someone else.

I highly recommend you read the article and take the steps to get over a breakup (find "How to get over your breakup" on this board) and take it day by day. It'll be tough, and I'm sure you'll go through your emotions of knowing the breakup was right, to getting angry, to being sad, etc. But it'll get better.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board dreamergrl610,


Everything you feel is normal.