I'm so CONFUSED!
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| Sun, 12-05-2004 - 12:00pm |
I want to Thank everyone that took the time to read my letter. I apologize for the long letter.
The advice I need at this point in my life is kind of confusing for me b/c I'm on the inside not on the out. I dated this amazing guy for about 5 months. Although 5 months is something yet so new and fresh, I can honestly say this was not your typical 5 month relationship. We feel in love with each other so fast it hit us like a tons of bricks. Ever get the feeling that you're never gonna find that guy that falls in love with you first? FINALLY, I did. For the first time in my life I stepped back and stopped picking the daisy. I've been in a long term relationship at some point in my life and have dated enough the dye my hair every month...JK But I can defiantly say I've had my share of experience in dating. I was at the point of my life that I was done with dating and I was ready to start on a new mission for my own self. I decided to go back to school and once I was done to move to Florida. Well it didn't exactly turn out that way, I met someone I fell in love with and passed on the whole Florida idea. Our relationship was always exciting, never any drama. Lots of love for one another all the time. We laughed and joked, everything you can want. It was so real I felt like I was in a movie every minute of my day. It was too good to be true. As wonderful as our relationship was there are always flaws, I had a friend in which I was very close with. Unfortunately that friend was an ex (Kyle) of mine. It was brought to my attention after awhile that it bothered him but I explained it was nothing but a friendship. Because I wasn't in his shoes I continued on with the friendship only because there was NOTHING but being friends. It was as if we never even dated. Besides the point of me staying friends with Kyle I knew it bothered him and continued speaking with him quietly only because I didn't want to upset him. As time caught on he knew I was still talking with him but nothing was really done. We encountered another situation in our relationship. I was very uncomfortable with the fact that if you are in a serious relationship there is no need to be going to clubs with friends every Saturday. He understood my reasons and decided to change his pattern to not as frequent. By the time our relationship hit about 4 months things that seemed so perfect wasn't as perfect as before. He wasn't as opened with me, the surprises stopped. Shortly after 5 months things came to an end. I was devastated b/c I thought our love could over come anything. He explained that there were things in our relationship that bothered him and caused him to fall out of love with me. I couldn't understand what or why! As I raked my brain this whole time trying to figure out what went wrong it dawned on me when I was dropping off Kyle home one night. As I sat in the car, I came out and explained that it was totally wrong for me to have spoken to him while I was in my relationship. It was selfish & inconsiderate of me. Who was I to be selfish after he changed on his own WILL when something bothered me. I ruined something I loved so much. I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in awhile last Friday. Out of the blue he told me he knew my b/friend. I was surprised b/c I had no idea they knew each other. He explained that they ran into each other at the bar and caught up on things and my name came up. He explained that he spoke very highly of our relationship/me. He explained that the reason for our breakup was due to an ex b/friend. Although that is what I assumed, it was defiantly proven now. What remains a mystery to me is the fact that ever since our breakup he has been the one to always contact me by e-mail each week. They aren’t letters of love or to try & work things out. They were just letters explaining that it's something we have to do right now and I'm not the only one suffering from it all. He explained that he missed me, but within time I would understand why things had to be the way they are. About a week ago I wrote him a letter of my deepest feelings for him and I wish things could have been different but I understand and respect his wishes. Ever since that letter he's contacted me over the internet. We spoke for 2hrs. this Sunday and Monday. I've been going with the flow of the conversation, but what does it all mean? Why would he ask if I'm dating or moving to Florida, asking for my parents and so on? I stepped back a day or so only b/c I don't know what this is all about and saving myself from a longer heartache. Can someone please explain to me why there has always been contact from him each week since our breakup and now he feels the need to chat online? Should I go with the flow hoping this is his way of coming back around slowly or ask him why are we still contacting each other if he said he had fallen out of love with me. Can someone please help me, I am so confused and I don't want to ruin this opportunity if I have one. What should I do?
Again thank you so much for your time, hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks!

probably if you were to agree to get rid of kyle from your life, he'd feel better. but i don't know that it's the right thing to do. maybe if the three of you hung out he'd get more comfortable with who kyle is to you.
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup but truthfully I don't think you did anything wrong. So what if Kyle is your ex....he's an ex for a reason and now you're just friends and your xbf should have realized that and accepted it. I have a couple friends that are exes and so does my bf but we trust each other enough to know that nothing would ever happen between us and our exes and your bf should have had the same trust in you. I don't beleive you should ever give up your friends for a guy...but that's just me.
It does sound like your bf does still have feelings for you with all the contact....I'd probably let it run it's course and see where it leads. Good luck and keep us posted!!