I'm so confused...im tired

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
I'm so confused...im tired
6
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:42am

Guys this a long one but please read i need all the advice i can get...thanks!

I havent posted in a while, i was staying away from everything focusing on work and my children to be able to move on from this...gosh but i still have bad days and it kills me...perhaps someone out there has been there done that and can advice. Well i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 yrs on oct last yr...i moved out of the apt we shared on Nov 14th...on Dec 21st he stopped by my work to ask me to forgive him...i did...i wasnt bitter i felt in my heart i could forgive him..

on Christmas day he sent me a text message wishing me and my fam a Merry Christmas..i didnt respond didnt feel the need to i had told him Merry Christmas on Dec 21st...he called me later that night to ask me if i had received his text he sent me...we talked for a few minutes and hung up....didnt contact each other for another month...i initiated contact because someone at work told me that some girl had asked her if she knew me because she was "dating" my ex..

I felt furious because i didnt like that act this person knew who i was where iworked and even what i look like and i dont know the first thing about her...so i called him and confronted him..he apologized it turned out this lady was the person he was crying to while me and him were having problems he even stayed with her while i moved out the apt after we broke up..so obvioulsy he was telling her about me...after we settled that we kept in touch on the phone and text for like 2 weeks...he first tole me he didnt want my number and even if he had it he wouldnt use it because he liked the distance that we had...i purposely called his phone and let my number show on the caller id...well guess what? he would call me from work and from home...he even invited me to go over his place and watch movies i ignored his invite..he told me sometimes he felt like taking my kids out to do stuff specially my son..but he realized it wasnt his part anymore..then he asked me if i stilltrusted him if he could come take my son out with him...but he didnt know my address and when i told him he said he didnt want to know my address..y would he say he didnt want to know my number then he didnt want to know my address???

I decided to initiate No contact because talking to him was affecting me...so i didnt call him didnt text him...absolutely No Contact..sometime in feb after Valentines day he sent me a text..later that day he called me..he invited me to a cookout he was having at his house that weekend...Y did he want me at his cookout?...again i ignored his invite...that sunday was raining so of course there was no cookout (even tho i think it was never really one planned)...that sunday he texted me and asked me to call him i was too busy so i told him i couldnt call him i was busy...he said it didnt matter to call him anytime he would be up...1 am came along and he called me....

He asked me how i was blah blah...and then i heard a females voice...i didnt say anything...then he made a comment that suggested a female was there...again i didnt respond to it...i told him i was sleepy i had to go he told me he would call me the next day....he never did...he once told me he wasnt dating anyone he didnt want to date anyone because he was so focused on his goals a female would only backtrack him from what he is focused on... because they want so much attention..so he said he had friends he talked to once in a while but he dint want anyone serious right now...y tell me he wasnt and didnt want to date anyone?...but yet he would throw in the conversations how his one friend who lives outside of the city took him to a movie and she had to pay because he was so broke and she took him to breakfast and blah blah blah..i continue No Contact because i feel is not worth talking to him...for what?...i cant be his friend...i dont want to...Well this past friday...he texted me at 9 am....called me at 11 am at my home...and showed up at my job at 2 pm...with this parents....(i work at Wal-Mart)...his parents came from NY to visit him...out of 32 cashiers and registers that were open he came thru my line...frankly i didnt want to see his parents i could careless...y was he texting me calling me and chose the Wal-Mart i work at when there are 3 others in this city????....

He had a new hairdo...when i met him he had braids on his hair...he cut all his hair when he got this job that required him to look "clean cut" then for the 2 yrs we were togther (lived together 1 yr) he tried to grow his hair to get it braided again because iloved it...it never worked out...well when he went to my job this friday...YUP he had braids....i guess he also wanted me to see he had braids now....i forgot to mention in all our conversations he always says he is "loving and living life to the fullest" he tells me about all these plans he has and goals and he is going to manage some property and hes going to be making all this money and he is going to close on a house (dont u need a liscence to do that?) he claims he is into real estate....he always tries to make me think or believe he has such a great life and hes doing so much after we broke up...he told me his New Years resolution is initiative..

Hes going to get up early in the morning and clean the house and run errands and just be productive...lol...isnt this what normal poeple do on an everyday basis???...but i guess it would be an accomplishment for him...y if hes having such a great life y does he keep contacting me...y invite me over to watch movies?..y invite me to a cookout?...y try to get in touch with me when his parents were here and show up at my job????.....i dont contact him...at all he contacts me....I'm just trying to figure out what are his motives for contacting me...y tell me how wonderful his life is y contact me when his parents were here...sometimes he stops by the store and comes up to me to say hi and says he has to pick up something then he says i will be back and he doesnt come back..is it just to see me or just so i know he was there???? like i said im confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:56am
My goodness you have a lot of "y" questions. Here's the one you really need to ask. WHY DO YOU LET HIM!? You keep making a feable attempt at no contact. Mean it. TELL him you don't want him contacting you anymore. Zero, zip, nada. No txt messages, no phone calls, if he comes to WalMart go through a different line. Call the phone company and request a change of number, and if he doesn't stop, report him to the phone company for harassment. No wonder you're "confused", but you know what, you're not actively putting a stop to all this? You've got kids and confused isn't a luxury you're alloted.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 2:16pm

Why are you allowing him to keep in touch with you? I don't understand...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 2:29pm
I dont contacthim i figure if i dont contacthim he wont contact me....doesnt he say to himself Lilly doesnt contact me it means she doesnt wanna talk....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 2:38pm

He doesn't want anything of substance...he wants an intangible entity called "attention".

As long as he texts, comes by, or phones...and you receive all his calls and interaction with the "I'm here to find out what you want so I must continue to interact in this medium in this moment to find out what that is"...he's got what he came for, wants, and is content to go away by getting.

if you didn't respond to his texts or emails, if you responded to all calls with "sorry, we have no reason to interact, so have a nice evening" and you hung up....in short if he got NO attention of a positive "what do you want, are you wanting ME, is there something about me that draws you in" attitude on your part...he'd move on.

He wants attention...and the more that he can come adn go without "giving" anything he goes away thinking "yeah, every time I come around she drops what she's doing, stands at attention, to see if I want her back". THAT is what he wants...and every time he comes around or calls, he gets it.

There is NOTHING for you to get of a posiive nature out of this.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 2:58pm

No, not necessarily. I would email him and let him know that you don't want any further contact, and then block him from calling, emailing or texting you. Or, if you've already told him you don't want any contact, just go ahead and block him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 3:06pm

doesnt he say to himself Lilly doesnt contact me it means she doesnt wanna talk....

I'm just rolling on the floor at this one....no, he doesn't say to himself anything remotely like it.

He wasn't in the relationship because it was "good for you", nor to meet your needs, nor share your life and your joys and sorrows. He was in the relationship because it got him options, upgrades, attention, approval, and convenience.....you were a service provider of those things and he considers you a potential service provider to this day...he's never paid a premium or price to receive a service, and he's wondering if you've still got the free lunch buffet that like Burger King has a motto of "have it your way, have it your way" open for his benefit, at your expense, with no obligation to him.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com