I'm so hurt today - Day 2 NC (only!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
I'm so hurt today - Day 2 NC (only!)
7
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:18am

It is the morning of day 2 with NC and I am more sick to my stomach than ever. Long story short for those of you haven't read my previous posts...My ex of 3 years and I have been in a LDR for the last year (I moved out of state last year to get away from him, cuz he couldn't commit to me in any way). He flew to see me in Sep. and propsed to me. He was so amazing. He had become a completely new man and everything I wanted.

After he flew back home, things changed again. He started making me his last priority, like before and our relationship got really bad. We broke off the engagement a month later to work on things. I sent back the ring.

Over the last few months all he has said on the phone was how he wished I were with him and couldn't wait to see me. He wanted to make all these great plans for when I was visiting. Well, I have been home since the 22, and we spent one night together - Christmas night. Since then, he has broken up with me and hasn't even contacted me for 2 days.

My time here is precious, I am leaving again in a week to go home and he doesn't want to see me or contact me. What is he doing? How can he do this to me? I am miserable. To top it off, today is NYE and is rainly and dreary outside. What do you think he's doing? I am more hurt than I have ever been in my life...I can't beleieve he doesn't care or want to see me when he knows I am leaving again for who knows how long.

Any thoughts or advice? I don't feel like I can make it through another day of rejection. Please help. I'm going crazy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:47am

I'm sorry, I'm confused about something--if you're broken up, why would you expect to see or hear from him? That doesn't really make sense to me. What you need to be focusing on isn't what he's doing or not doing but on moving on with your life and beginning the process of accepting that it's over.

Do you have friends or family where you are? I would definitely make a point to spend time with them today and tonight.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:59am

oh dear sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I am struggling with a blindsided (despite countless red flags over several months) break up courtesy of my ex this past Fri night/Sat AM.

To be honest with you, he sounds very confused. You moved away b/c he wouldn't commit to you-when exactly last year did you move away? Then the proposal in Sept, followed by an about face? He may have been more concerned that if he doesn't give you what he thinks you want, that he will lose you forever but then he does the 180, which I don't understand.

At this point, my question to you is why are you allowing him to jerk your emotions around this way? The only vote I would have for calling is to express that you've taken a stand and refuse to let a person take you through such negative changes because you are worth more. Beyond that, I'm not sure I'd have anything else to say.

This is much easier for me to say than do as it is what I will be trying to achieve-I would say leaving him alone is the best medicine. Stand your ground and let him know your feelings are not toys. If he can't be considerate of your feelings and not put you through such heartache, why bother ;) He doesn't deserve you if he is capable of treating you like this, kveraj.

Everyone makes mistakes and I believe people can change their mind and treat a person better (I've done that), but he needs to show you beyond his present actions that he cares.

People only do to us what we let them do, I know it is a cheesy cliche but it's true

You will be OK, but it will take some time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:21pm

northwestanderer-

I know what you are saying, but the one thing my ex refuses to do is give me closure. What I need from him is to tell me he doesn't want to be with me and tell me he has sold my ring back. Things like this, I feel will give me closure. When he "broke up" with me Friday, I said "please let's just agree that this isn't working and we can have a mutual understanding and a nice you agree it's over for good, so I can get on with my life," but he said "no, I won't say that."

I have always said to him that I know he doesn't want to be with me and I will accept it. He says ,"it's not that I don't want to be with you, I love you more than anything." He also always says that he will never find anyone better than me and he knows that. That's why he says he proposed to me, cuz he loves me and says no one will ever hold a candle to me.

Do you see why I am so hurt that he's choosing not to spend time with me. He won't tell me it's over, but he won't let me go either. His last words to me Friday were "I love you, have a good night." I am so, so confused. He has done this kind of on again, off again for 3 years.

I must sound like a pathetic basketcase, but I don't know how to get through this. How come I can't accept this?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:28pm

Well, then it's up to YOU to get your own closure by deciding that Mr. Wishy-Washy isn't the right guy for you. I think it's pretty rare to actually get good closure from the other person, actually. So you need to decide for yourself that you're not going to put up with being jerked around any more.

It's going to take time to get over it, but you can make a decision NOW that you're not going to take him treating you like this any more.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:30pm

lioness10007

Thank you so much for your advice, and I am sorry you have to go through this too.

To answer your question, I left in January (so almost a year) and when I left, we were both devastated. I am ashamed and humiliated that here I am one year later in the exact same position I was in Jan. when I left him to start my life over.

I know I need to suck it up and move on with my life, but I don't know how. Everyone says spend time with family and friends, but I'm not happy doing that either. I am miserable no matter what I do. Plus, I hate having them see me this way. My mother is heartbroken for me, and I think that my family thinks I am weak and pathetic.

I will be going back home in a week, and I am dreading that also. I don't have any friends or family back home and I can't bear the thought of dealing with this break-up on my own and going back to work. I need some serious help...I will probably see s therapist upon returning home.

Sorry for your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:33pm
Thank you Sheri. I know I have to do all these things, but it helps to hear it over and over again. Have a great NY.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 1:14pm
:) You will be OK, we always will be, we always turn out OK. I know it doesn't feel like it now but like they say, there's something better :)


Edited 12/31/2006 1:27 pm ET by lioness10007