im so lost and confused
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| Fri, 04-22-2005 - 12:50am |
Please read this...it will be kind of long, but I am desparate. Please reply.
I just broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago and I am lost. I made a mistake and left when I was angry and without talking it out. I packed up and moved out in half a day before he came home from going to breakfast with his friends. See, we have been having issues communicating with each other for a long time now and I had just had enough crying so I took off. Now, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I am in love with him. I have been in love with him since we started dating over a year ago. I am having trouble pushing myself to move forward and forget him because I miss him so much and want him back. When I tried to go back to him, he told me that I shouldn't have left in the first place and that he had abandonment issues and I left him anyways. He said that he was tired of all the arguing and fighting and he wants to find someone that won't fight with him.
I don't know why I am having so many issues shaking this, but it hurts so bad. I don't exactly know what I am asking for, I just don't know what to do. We have broken up once before and he said the same thing last time. I had no problems because I didn't have to feel it. I went out and partied and kept myself intoxicated if I wasn't working and I didn't have to feel any of this pain. Now, I don't party any more so I am sober enough to feel EVERYTHING!
Ok...that was the hurt part. Now for the confused part.
Last time he told me that if I left, he wouldn't take me back, I listened and tried my hardest to get over him using everything in my path. Then, a month later...one of his best friends that I got along with heard that I was screwing up my life with drug and alcohol. He did the right thing and called me. We started hanging out every night, doing things that didn't require any substance abuse and I hurt, but I started to feel better because he was genuinely interested in making me happy. My ex heard about this and went balistic. I delt with phone calls for a week of him saying "are you two going to date or what because I need to know." and "I don't think you should date him." Then finally, one night, I went out with his friend and my ex called while we were out. He called every fifteen minutes until I promised him I would drop by his house and talk to him after I dropped his friend off at home. When I stopped by, he got in my car and took my keys and told me that he wanted me to come home...to come back to him.
Now I am confused because I don't know if he is going to do the same thing that he did last time if I try to get over him. Please tell me what I should do with myself.
As of right now, I just go through each day waiting...but I don't exactly know what for.

I notice something in your examples of the past. Your XBF didn't bat an eye at even attempting to get you back until YOU were making it apparent that you were moving on. Then, suddenly he wants you back. Well what about that month where he didn't? And now you've got that again. He's told you that if you left he wouldn't want you back. So has he called or emailed or stopped by begging you to come back? No.
You need to remember why you left in the first place. You need to accept the fact that yes, you may love him but no, you two just are not compatable. You need to put an end to this so called "confussed" state of being by deciding what you're going to do with your life. It's not up to him. So what if he comes begging you back the second it appears you are truly moving on?! Does that mean that like a good little puppy dog you come running back with your tail between your legs? Of course not. Why? Because of all the reasons you packed up and moved out in the first place that's why.
Just remember, real love doesn't hurt you. Real love doesn't leave you feeling confussed and second guessing yourself. Real love doesn't have you feeling lost. Real love works through the problems 100% effort on both sides.
So choose. Make the choice that you are going to move on.