Im So Lost and Emply

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Im So Lost and Emply
3
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 7:37am
It’s been a month now since bf broke up and moved out. We were together for 6 years. I have had relationships thru out my life but this one has broken my heart. I am 40 and in past relationships I was the one to break it off. I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I am trying hard to get over him and move on. I have been on this site reading as much info that I can. My problem is that I am so hurt and lonely. I really don’t have many friends to go do things with. I tried to go to the mall yesterday thinking it would make me feel better to go buy something for myself. I got there and just wanted to leave. I ended up buying nothing and going home. I tried last weekend to go out with a friend but wanted to go home as soon as I got out. I forced myself to stay out but did not have a good time. I just want to get to the point that I am happy being single not miserable being alone. We had a great relationship and that is his words. We were very loving and spent a lot of time together. Our only problem was that we wanted different things in life and neither was able to give the other what we wanted. He is 24 and wants children where I cannot have children. I wanted a partner in life someone that was there for me no matter what. Someone that is somewhere in life. Someone I can build a future with. I felt that if you loved someone and had a good relationship that each of us should be willing to sacrafice things that we wanted. I was willing but guess he was not. I know that I deserve better but was content just being with him. He left in December and due to the pain of the break up on both our parts we ended up getting back together in January. Then Feb 22nd he left again while I was at work. He has called 3 times and has driven past my house 2 times that I know of. I believe that no contact this time has got to be the way to go because in the past break ups we ended up back together because we had contact. I called him once 6 days ago to tell him no contact and that we should not see or talk to each other. He has stuff here and uses that for an excuse to call. Then when he used that excuse it was he was calling to see how I was doing. I told him that I do love him but I will get thru this and move on and I will find someone that will love me like I love them. I do feel confident that will happen one day but I just need to be able to get to that point. My life sucks right now. I go to work come home. Around 8:00 to 8:30 I take sleeping pills and am asleep by 9:30. The weekends are the worst. I sit in my house all alone and miserable. I know I need to get out but I do not have the strength. I feel tired all of the time but I’m getting plenty of sleep. I have lost 8 lbs but I’m trying to eat better. I feel that I am slipping into a depression but I know I can’t let that happen. Please God give me strength to get thru this. I think avout him 24/7. Please God help me get him out of my mind. I look at my phone constantly wanting him to call but know that if he does I should not answer. I dont think he will call again after I told him no contact but part of me just wants him home with me and the other part just wants to get thru this. Does anyone out there have any advise on how I can get thru this? Im calling out for help and I really need it right now. After a month I should be feeling better and I do not. I miss him more than anything in the world.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 1:05pm

Hi there, I posted a number of suggestions to you the last time you posted. Have you tried any of the suggestions or techniques?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:22am

Break ups are hard, especially when it's not what you want but what's best. People have their deal breakers. His is that he wants kids. Even though you still love him, and he probably still loves you, having that big difference of life goals really would be too much to overcome. Resentment would grow, either from him not having kids, or from you giving in and having kids.(speaking of which, is it "can't" because of some medical reason? what about adoption? There are ways to have children when it's "can't", is it that or is it "don't want to"?)

Sounds like you're just a bit depressed and maybe counceling will help you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:30pm
(((Sherry)))
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