i'm so sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
i'm so sad
5
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 9:15am

hi,

my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and i feel so depressed. I was so sure everything was going great. He had been so nice to me and i felt closer than ever to him. And then...he broke up with me. He went away for a couple a day and realize that he was still in love with his ex, with whom he broke up last November because she took a job an Africa and she wont be back till this november. I ask him if she has giving him any sign that she would want to go back with him and he said no. He just feel that he cant move on till she's back. I feel so stupid because i so didnt see that coming. And I felt that things were going great between us. He says that he care about me but wouldnt feel right continuing to see me knowing that he cant offer me what i want. I know there is no chance of us getting back together, but I thought that for once i had a real chance to a serious relationship,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:30am
Listen, I know what you feel and I understand you, I think that it is a common mistake for us to start blaming ourselves for not seeing how they really were or not seeing that the relationship was coming to an end. It has happened to my best friend, her boyfriend left her with no explanation, just said that he needed space and couldnt be with her anymore, and he had given her their anniversary gift two days before so don`t feel guilty for not having seeing what he was really up to. Besides, you have to, at least, recognize that he was honest and told you that he wanted to go back with her ex, it would have been worse if he saw her behind your back and cheat on you, so you have to think that it was for the best, believe, I have been there, it is hard and horrible and you may think that you will never love again but be strong because love is just around the corner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 10:47am

thank you for your words.

I know i shouldnt blame myself, but i keep thinking that somehow i should have known better. I've been hurt so many time, and i find it so hard to trust guys. And this one was different, you know, he was really nice to me, he always called when he said he would, never cancel on me, often told me that he wanted to see me, remembered all the little things i told him about, he was nice to my friends.... Basically, he was a good guy, or so i thought. I mean i know he was sincere and trusthful, but our relationship wasnt enough for him. and i feel like if i cant even trust one the most nice and decent guy i ever met, how can i trust anyone... i feel so empty. i am supposed to be working right know but i cant concentrate, i just keep crying. And i know there is nothing i can do, it's all over and i just dont thing that it is worth it ta take a chance on a relationship to end up feeling like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: stelli11
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 9:51pm
(((HUGS)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 9:15am

I'm doing somewhat better today , I dont know exaclty what are the stage of grief, but at the moment, i'am more at the anger stage than anything. I feel like calling him and leaving him a really angry message on his voice mail.

i'm still sad and keep saying to myself that i sould have known better than to trust him, but i also know there was no way i could have guess that he still hoping to get back with his ex. I feel like I am a victim, there is nothing i could have done and there is still noting i can do to change the situation. Is that okay that i feel so helpless ? Like this guy just used me and didnt care enough about me to tell me the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: stelli11
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 10:18am
YEs, it's okay. I can't tell you how many times I've felt "used" as well. It's one of the reasons I'm only in contact with one of several ex-boyfriends. It's awfully hard to be friends or respect someone you feel treated you worse than an enemy would. It's totally normal to feel used after you've given yourself to someone and they decide they don't want it for whatever reason. It's seriously one of the worst feelings. In fact, some argue that a hurtful breakup can be worse than grieving the death of someone. The stages of grief are oftentimes the same but when someone dies you don't have to continue with life knowing that they are still out there but CHOOSE not to be with you. That's awful. No, you will never be the same after this and it's foolish to think that you will. But that doesn't mean you won't be a more compassionate, understanding person for having been through this pain. I've been hurt many a time and just recently AGAIN, but for some reason I guess I end up trying again instead of shutting myself off in a little shell. THis time, however, it will take me a long time to even want to be with someone else. IT's something you can't force. Just stay busy and treat yourself gently. Beating yourself is the worst thing you can do.