im so worried...and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
im so worried...and confused
5
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:35am

Hey everyone.

Well I was always a late bloomer so, I have only really been in one serious relationship.We have been together for 2 yrs. He is great.An Angel.He treats me like a princess. I love him with all my heart and I actually can see the possibility of marrying him. The thing is, I feel that because he is the only man I have ever been with, I owe it to him and myself to see what else is out there. I think that thats the only way that I will know if he is the man for me. But how do I do this? I love him! How do you tell someone you love them but you need to leave them to be able to take the next big step in your relationship? I dont want to hurt him.....and I know it will hurt me ( thank goodness for this board, I will need it to get through the pain). I dont want to leave him upset with me, because heck, maybe he is the one.

Thanks for listening
Belle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 9:06am

belle1370...

A male perspective from Pianoguy.....which you might want to consider before you make the break?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT...there are a few of us who have found our true loves and soulmates "the first time around?" And when the feelings are as strong as they are, we don't want to jeopardize what we have by 'exploring new horizons' with somebody else?

While your friends might have told you not to settle on the first man who takes a serious interest in you...THEY AREN'T LIVING YOUR LIFE...YOU ARE! While friends and family members can make suggestions and offer a multitude of opinions...the final choice of a partner is YOURS...and of course, the man you're in love with.

Not to play devil's advocate, but if your heart is truly set on dating others...you run the risk of losing what you currently have? If you're willing to give up a sure thing in exchange for the unknown (which may or may not work out)...then go for it!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 9:42am

I agree... What is this idea that a person needs to date around to be fulfilled? IT's as if they can't believe in their decision.

Just go with your gut, if you love the guy/girl and things are going well, why jeapordize that to look around? That's just a copout. Much like the commitphobe thing. Ridiculous!

Perhaps you really don't love the guy and there is something not written in the post?

Think it through on your own, stop talking to negative friends. Perhaps going to a counselor or such might help you.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 9:54am

Ok, I just have to say, how dare you! My BF of 4.5 years recently broke up with me, because he didn't know what he wanted out of life, blah, blah, blah. He was scared and confused. I know he loves me but that wasn't enough for him either. If you truly love someone, you don't just break up with them. You are taking the chance of losing them forever.

I will always have hope that he and I will get back together but right now, it seems almost impossible. Even if he did call and say that he made a mistake (which I know he did) I don't know that I could trust him fully again and know that he wouldn't hurt me like that again.

Seriously, follow your heart and if you truly love him don't make the mistake that my ex made.

Hope you figure it out. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:24am
I have to say that if you have these questions and you are wondering whats out there, you probably know deep down that he is not the one. Or you may get out there and realize he is the one and then it will be too late. Its a risk you have to take either way. Prepare yourself for the possibility. I don't know if this will help or if its fair to him but what about a 'break' from each other??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:32pm

There was a post once from a woman that was thrilled and proud that she was only with one guy (her husband). She never felt the need to sleep with anyone else, to have anyone to compare him to and never felt she missed out on anything.

We are what we think. Our beliefs make us who we are. If you THINK you are missing out or that you need to date others, have experiences, than that is YOUR REALITY, period. Nothing any of us say will change that for you. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, you feel it, you can't change it unless you KNOW and BELIEVE he is the one. He's not, or you wouldn't have the feelings you have.

But, like plainjane81 said - you have to be willing to risk what you had, because personally if someone told me, Hey, I love you, but I gotta go date more, sleep with more women, etc. I wouldn't be waiting for them when they got all done. It would always, always think I wasn't good enough, or enough for them, that the love wasn't real or strong enough.

Good luck on your decision.


Carrie