I'm SOOO mad at myself....
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| Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:49pm |
I called him tonite. WHY???? We were so close to the 60 day since breakup mark. I called about six times and he finally picked up on the sixth ring. I'm so mad at myself!!! He was a real jerk to me...he couldn't get off the phone fast enough and was really rude. Am I surprised? No.
Now I look like a psycho...why why why did I do it???? The purpose of my call was a "how are you," "how's you kids" etc. I didn't give him the "we should get back together" stuff - I don't want to to be totally honest. I just wanted to hear his voice.
Now I just feel like a desperate jerk!!!! He must think I am so pathetic. Yes, I had a few drinks. Did anyone do this and how did you recover from doing something so stupid? Is there any way I can reverse the damage I've done? He obvoiously doesn't want anything to do with me. What an idiot I am. I am sooo mad at myself!!!! Help!!

Who cares if he thinks you are psycho, he's a jerk!
:)
Don't beat yourself up over it. It's OK to have weak moments like this. Everyone does it. The important thing is to re-establish NC and walk away from this knowning not to do it again. Next time, know to stay away from the phone if you're going to drink or don't drink til you take leave of your common sense.
chin up. It's only 2 steps back from the hundreds you've advanced already.
Well if it makes you feel any better I have drunk dialed...yes there's a name for it... And so have others. Don't beat yourself up. I once slept with my ex...that's much worse. You feel like a piece of trash afterwards, but I made it through.
Think about it. You are a good person, and only wanted to say hi. He on the other hand couldn't be bothered. Not a very nice guy if you ask me. Hold your head up; you've done nothing wrong but be human. :)
Well, to tell you the truth, you have already taken the first step in getting over it... you have realized its wrong, and the feeling you have now after calling him, you will not want to experience again and will most likely not call again.
When I get a weak moment like that, I use that energy to get something done I need to. Then you have the satisfaction of accomplishing something and that feeling replaces the urning to call feeling.
Girlfriend, do not beat yourself up about this, please don't. You can't begin to count how many people have done this. It's usually the women, who lose the self control, but your not alone, and how you recover is never call again. I promise you, that will do it. You can't erase it or ignore what happen. Don't even call your stupid, because even though, it might be, it's not. You did what you felt, and it hurt you in the end. But you take that hurt, and move forward, and remember, the next time you get that urge, remember how the last time you called, how it made you feel and how he treated you. Mark my words, one day, he will regret how he treated you.
How he thinks about you shouldn't matter, but I can't tell you it doesn't matter to you, because I know I felt the same way, years ago, and you care. When I think about how I use to act and all the pathetic acts of desperation, make my skin crawl. But it's a temporary feeling, because I will never act like that with anyone and especially a man. NEVER, NEVER. You will get to where I am today, it just take time. So try your best and not think about what you did, and try to not make the mistake again. You might call him again, but after awhile, you will get tired of feeling like this and bumping your head on the wall.