I'm soooo heart broken

Avatar for tere20
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm soooo heart broken
3
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 4:54pm

I am new to this board, and God knows I need it!!! A little history. I am 25 and have been with my fiance on and off for 4 yrs. We have been living together for 2 years now and it was a big adjustment. Well, we agreed to get married next year around Memorial Day and one day he came home saying that I was pushing the date so either we get married this Labor Day or nothing at all. Of course, upset and frazzled I said o.k. since he was the love of my life. Well, time went on and we continue arguing about the same things we argued 4 years ago. I have always gone to school part time and I spend a lot of time going to school and working full time. It has been extremely challenging and hard for me to do that, but he has been unsupportive of the situation. CLaiming that I neglect him and he needs me to be at home .... Being that I am head strong I've never stopped going to school because this is a big goal for me. And that was just one of the problems. Then it was kids, he wanted to have kids right away, I wanted to wait until I was done with school. I am anal about paying my bills on time, he is lax about it. So, everyday problems kept on building. He is a great guy and has a big heart. He is romantic and affectionate and sweet to me. We have a lot of fun together and of course, after 3 years we have a lot of memories. I started thinking, if we are having this many problems now, imagine until after we are married? If I am unsure because our values are different, what could I expect in the future? People don't change and I wouldn't want him to change or compromise his ideas. We are who we are...... Long story short, I muster up the courage and I had a long talk to him explaining why I was breaking up the engagement. At first he was really upset, but now he accepts it and has taken it really well. It just doesn't stop to hurt and I haven't stopped to cry. For me to seperate myself from the idea of being in love with him and marrying the man I love in San Diego, to realize that it was going to be better in the long run.

I'm just venting. I am sure with time it will get better, but it's been three weeks and I am still crying. My heart is soo broken, just like many of you, and just like you know I can't even think how to pick up my heart. I guess if we cheated on each other, or if he upset me and we broke up it would have been easier.......

Mayte

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 5:44pm
(((HUGS))) and it's hard to say goodbye to someone you love, but from the sound of things you really did the right thing in ending the engagement. It'll get easier with time, so give yourself the time and focus on school and doing things for you.
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anonymous user
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 9:23pm
I'm going through the same kind of thing - except I've already been married for 7 years. My husband and I argue about the same things over and over. We have different priorities and nothing has changed. So you were right to call it off.
I always believed we could work things through with some effort, but he just told me over the weekend that he's grown tired of the marriage and has given up. He's suggested a separation. I was too much in shock to respond at the time and we haven't spoken to each other since so I don't know what we will end up doing.
I'm heart broken too. I still love him and I believe he will always be the love of my life. And so I cry every day. Although I am dreading it, I am forcing myself to open up to the idea of a divorce, and hoping that I'll be able to move on and find true happiness. It's so painful when things don't work out with the person you love. But it's a good learning experience.
Avatar for tere20
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:06am

I agree. It's soo hard when you love each other, but because we are different people I need to let him go. I thought about it over and over. It wasn't because he's a bad person or I'm a bad person, it's just that we have different priorities in life. And instead of supporting each other, (which I did) we were always fighting with each other about the important things that we needed/wanted. This has been one of the hardest decisions I had to make but I thought, is it going to change when we get married? Or am I going to give up everything that's important to me to make him happy? IS that going to make me happy? So, it's just a catch 22. I thought he was the one. We got a long so great and have fun with each other. But reality is that when we come home and start living life we are arguing about everything.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I know, this sucks!!! On the bright side, at least 20 years didn't go by before he realized this.... That's what I kept on telling him. Well, at least we know now instead of 10 years from now and at that point we're really bitter and upset because of years of arguing. Do you guys have kids?

I know that there is a light at the end of that tunnel, but of course, probably just like you, I can't even begin to see it. I just know that God will never give us a stronger cross that we could carry!

Mayte