i'm stuck without happiness

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
i'm stuck without happiness
1
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:49pm
(1)I'm new here (2)I have issues, this looks like the perfect place to vent...so I'll just jump right in...
I'm 22, married for three years, with two kids and I'm thinking about leaving my husband. It's isn't an issue of "i feel out of love" I know that I still love him dearly, but I feel like so many things have happened in our past on my part and his that there's been a lot of love lost. So much so that I feel like we can't be sustained anymore. I feel tired, lonely, like I'm with someone that's not really on my level.
I met my husband in highschool and from the beginning it's always been rocky. He's cheated on me before we were married a few times, I also cheated when we were engaged. However, it wasn't until then, when I cheated that my husband actaully started to really want to be with me, started acting serious about me, when he saw that there was a chance that I wouldn't be around forever waiting on him to get his act together.
In all honestly I feel like we got married for all the wrong reason, mainly I was pregnant with my son and our families didn't want us to have the baby out of wedlock.
My husband is still stuck with the child mentality, he's yet to grow up. I mean I will admit that he has changed so much from the guy he was in highschool, but not enough for a married man with a wife, two kids, a mortgage and massive responsibilites. He stays out sometimes til 3 in the morning at clubs with his boys. They call, and he comes running.
I just feel like I want more out of life, and it's not him I want it from anymore. I think I'm far too serious and mature for him. Our priorities aren't in line with one another anymore. He wants different things out of life, and I want different things out of life. I'm not happy anymore, and when I am it's short-lived. I feel like I'm pretending and it's all becoming so mundane. I've been here for this long because I want my kids to have their father in the home, I've never lived with my dad, not for even one day, and I used to wonder all the time as a child how it would be to have him home with me to ask him questions, to see how he looks when he wakes up. I don't want them to miss that, but when he's here he barely pays any attention to them anyway.
I just feel so lost and confused, Imade an appointment to file for divorce today...please help me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:50pm

Hi beautiful-disaster and welcome to the board,


I'm sorry you're going through such an emotional and tough time right now, know that whatever you ultimately decide to do will be the best thing for you.

Myspace Codes