I'm sure you all heard this one before..
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| Mon, 03-12-2007 - 10:39pm |
So, let me give a rundown of my situation. Before last summer my ex-boyfriend whom I cared about a whole lot whom I thought I would be with forever!! Broke up with me.(we were together for almost 2 years infact it was 5 days BEFORE what would have been our two year aniversary and I was going to make reservations the following day) Saying that he cared for me a lot and that he loved me just not as much or in the same way I loved him. So, naturally, I become upset, couldn't sleep although I laid in bed for hours on end, couldn't eat... you know the usual... So for about a month after we broke up.. maybe a month and a half we still got together and fooled around because we had great chemistry in that area amoung others of course.
So a week after our last intimate encounter I went to visit him and low and behold he had a hickey on his neck.. who gives hickeys anyway.. he didn't even like hickeys!! I was upset and I asked him about it and he said he had a date blah blah... I was devasated. There I was a nervous wreck, crying every night and he's already in the arms of another woman... PLEASE...then a few weeks later we'll say about 2 weeks later. I actually run into them... not planned or anything. (so this is about 2 months after we broke up) we have mild, somewhat awkward chit chat... a few days after I find that they are officially a couple!! WHAT!! ya.. 2 months.. I'm feeling really insignificant at this point. Wondering how a person who alledgedly loved me could "replace" me so quickly. So at that point I stopped visiting with him for awhile. Fast forward a few months to a mild November evening where I went to visit him because he wanted to make me supper and help me celebrate another trip around the sun. It was supposed to be a nice, friendly dinner and a movie. but unfortunatly a bottle of wine later we're in each other's arm and I'm practically sitting on his lap... but it's all touch no action.. but needless to say some clothing did come off. Afterward we both feel bad.. I feel bad because he's going to chose his new gf over me and that I'm a douche bag for actually doing something with him, fun for a few minutes but adds more fuel to the burning coal which has become my heart. He feels bad too because he knows he led me on and now he has a reason for his new girlfriend to not trust him.
The following months we chat via email and instant messaging every so often. Where he will tell me things about his new girlfriend that I care not to know. I just wonder if he's confused or what's going on in his head. I fell in love with him quickly. I just remember the very first time I saw him, and the feelings I had shortly after we just met.. I never felt that way with anyone else before. Now I fear I'll never feel it ever again. Recently we started talking again he's very rarely online anymore and since I refuse to call him we hardly talk. Recently however we did talk and I mentioned in passing conversation that I was going out with friends from work and that it would be a good time. The night I did go out, I come home with a small buzz and turned on my computer to check my emails from the day. Of course when I log into the instant messager my ex almost stimulantaneously logs in as well. This is very odd since he's hardly ever online anymore... Not two nights in a row anyway.. and it's like 12:30-1. So natually I ask him what he's doing online and he replies.. oh putting laundry away. RIGHT... His computer is on the lower level from where his room is. So a little fishy right?
I tell him that I'm happy with getting to know myself that should I meet someone else down the line, or should he and I for some reason get back together I'll have more to offer the relationship. I have dated a few guys, although nothing really became of any of it... and when I mentioned it to my ex he always responds with.. "do you think you're really ready" I get the impression that he'll be hurt when I finally do meet someone who I'll give my whole self to. He has stated that he is a bit territorial when it comes to that. But he'll be fine if I say that my new guy is a nice guy, who treats me well.
The main problem that I have is that I still have feelings for my ex. I try my best to move on... to not talk to him as much.. wean myself off of him. But even without talking to him my heart just grows fonder. I really don't know what it will take for me to get over him. Nothing is more frustrating than wanting to get over him and finding it difficult to do so.
So, anyway, this is where I will finish my novel. Anyway, I look forward to seeing what people have to say.

Hi Mandees82
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Your in denial stage and haven't determined what's important to you yet.
This guy is for all purposes cheating on you. He doesn't know what he wants but it's not you at this point in life. Having been there I thought I was missing out on something and the reality I didn't understand what I truly had.
You seem to have everything logically figured out, but not emotionally. Stop, reset and go with your gut. Do you feel hope, that this guy is truly the man for you? The hard part is moving on. Your a good person and love for you is a real emotion that you can recongnize in you. Accept that part of you which is an important part of you and you can use that strenght for your next real relationship.
Good luck
Michael