I'm a wreck!
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| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 6:13pm |
I'm a wreck and this seems like a great way to try to work through such a hard time in your life.
Last night, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2-1/2 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Our relationship was near perfect, we were entirely compatible - same interests, same behaviors, same dreams, so much in common. We were so in love, we never fought, he loved me for me and vice versa. We always have fun together, he supports me in everything I do and every day with him was exciting and I never doubted his love for me and his faithfulness. I have never been in such a comfortable relationship that just felt so right.
The problem came up the other night. I made a huge mistake in this relationship not asking his thoughts on our future together. Did he want to live with me? Marry me? Have kids with me? The answer was no, no, and no, and this is why I had to end it since my answers are yes, yes and maybe. I understood the not wanting to have kids thing, which came up in the past, and I decided that this wasn't a deal breaker since I am 32 and have absolutely no desire to have kids at this time, and maybe never will (though I would definitely have prefered the option if I changed my mind). But to live in separate homes forever? His thoughts on this just shocked me. He KNEW this was what I wanted, so I guess I assumed that he would have mentioned that it wasn't in the cards for us. He explained last night that this was something that is a huge problem for him and he wishes it wasn't that way, but he just doesn't see this ever changing.
I think I should be so mad, but I'm not. We just have different relationship goals and I'm glad I know now instead of 2 more years from now when this would have been twice as hard for both of us. I'm just so very very sad about all this. So is he. Our break up was 2 of the hardest hours of my life... it was just brutal. Crying, hugging, kissing, holding hands, telling each other we loved each other. I couldn't imagine a more tear jerking breakup. We both didn't want to and it was so so hard.
Now, I just don't know how to go on. I want to talk to him, I want to know how he is, how his life is, etc. I keep reading on here not to call, not to email, etc. Does it have to be that way? I know the romantic relationship as it was has to be over, I know what I need to do for me and my future. (I've always been a very strong person) But is it so bad to stay JUST friends with your ex who has been your best friend for so long? We both want to talk and stay close. I actually think that will help me get closure... knowing that we are still there for each other and knowing that he is okay will help me to know that I did the right thing and that we can both move on with each others support. If we stop talking cold turkey, I feel like I will never stop crying, never stop wondering if hes okay, never stop regretting this decision. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and remained close friends with an ex? Am I crazy to think that that's a good idea?
This all just hurts so much and I just wonder if anyone has any advice on how to get though this. Thank you for listening.

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