immature or smart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
immature or smart?
4
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 4:48pm

okay so it's been a long time since i've written on here but, but i'm confused about something that happened yesterday and you guys always give great advice, so here i go!

it's been about three and a half months since i got broken up with, and i'm doing pretty well. he attends my school, so it's hard ot see him with other people (and coming in with hickeys on his neck) but slowly i've learned to cope. don't get me wrong, i still think about him, and my heart still beats fast when i see him. but there has been great imporvement since back in november! anyways, he hurt me really badly back then. he was my best friend for a year, and all of a sudden he changes on me and replaces me with his friends and started acting so strangely towards me. i admit i didnt handle it very maturely (he was my first love, therefore i was irrational sometimes) but all in all it was his fault we changed, and his fault we ended. i was crushed. the point is, when we see eachother at school (which is alt becasue i attend a tiny school) we don't ever say anything to eachother, which i guess is fine with me. he always makes an effort to like be all over someone when i'm near, but other than that we don't notice eachother. yesterday, he IMed me and say "hey". that's it. "HEY" after 3 months of no contact and him being os happy without me in his life. he dumped me because "i was needy and none of his boys had girlfriends and he just didnt fele that way anymore". naturally i was crushed for a really long time. sometimes i still am.

so anyways back to the IM. he just said hey. after everything that happened between us, and after all the mean stuff he did to me, and after everything. my friends say that its probubley sjut becasue he sees me moving on so he thinks it' the right time ot start a friendship. but i ignored his IM. i just deleted it and went about my day...sort of wondering what he would have said had i answered. my question is WAS IT REALLY IMMAUTRE TO JUST DELETE IT AND NOT BE CIVIL? after everything he did to me, and how badly he treated me in the end, do i not have the right to ignore him all i want?

some people tell me it's just being immautre and prolonging the silence? i just don't think anything good would come of us talking. i know he's not going ot tell me he wans me back or anything, but what could we possibly say to eachother? he's not going ot say sorry, and i'm not going to tell him i miss him. i just can't imagine how that conversation would make me feel good. i've accepted our breakup, but i haven't gotten COMPLETELY over it...and sometimes i even still have the false hope that someday we will get back together (when we clearly wont). i just...wonder why he said hey, and if it was childish of me to ignore it. at the same time...ignoring him made me feel good for some reason. why? 10,000 bucks says it meant nothing to him...and he just laughed it off saying "whatever, i don't care, i dumped her anyways". but it still made me feel pretty good.

i know, in the long run it's trivial becasue i'm sure it meant nothing. but i'm venting and wondering if you guys would have done the same thing...or have any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 5:09pm
I don't think your nonresponse was immature *at all.* You said yourself you're not over everything yet, so it is completely your right to not reply to anything he says to you yet, or ever. I think it actually shows a lot of respect for yourself after he treated you pretty crappy. Maybe one day you will feel better about it and you can talk to him if *you* want to, but it doesn't sound like he's worth having around in any capacity. It's all up to you, you do what's right for you, and don't worry about what other people may say to you. They weren't with him, you were.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 6:42pm

Hi socompletelylost - For those that want to know your 'whole' story, I'm adding the links below:


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, I NEED ADVICE!


NC is impossible...please help :(


weird question...


have to deal w/ seeing him EVERYDAY


question: was this wrong of me?


constantly comparing. what do i do?


feeling the need to apologize! ADVICE?


when will the false hope fade?


I think you were smart not to respond, if for no other reason than for self-preservation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 8:03pm

i think you're right about the self-preservation. i know i'm not okay to talk to him...i'm NOT indifferent towards him yet. however, i had a thought today. does me ignoring him prove to him that i still am giving him thought? if i were over him and moved on with my life...i wouldn't give it so much thought to ignore him, would i? or could it be that i am so moved on that i don't bother to answer the silly "hey" IM he may send me.

first and foremost, i really do NOT want him knowing i'm not over him. i don't want that at all. i've ben thinking throughout all of this...as long as no one knows i still think aobut him then it'll be okay. so does me ignoring him prove (to him) that i'm still not over him? i want to do whatever mean i am indifferent. i know this is weird, but it is still a matter of self-preservation when i say that i CANNOT have him or anybody at my school knowing that i sitll tihnk of him.

so my new thought...is me ignoring him proving that i am still attached (and maybe even look likee i'm trying to get his attencion, which i'm NOT...i gave up on that forever ago), or could me ignoring him, from an outsiders point of view (and his) mean that he is just so trivial to me now that i don't even bother to answer his silly "hey" IMs? just curious if yu guys have any thoughts on what you're tihnking...or he's thinking. i know it's not important what he thinks...but becasue my school is so small and things get around...in order to survive i need NO ONE (including him) knowing i still give this thought. so...advice?

thank you all so much =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 8:42pm

Socompletelylost,

Others may disagree, but my advice is to just let it go. From your previous posts it's easy to see that this guy is completely immature. He wants you to pine over him so he can laugh it off, but now that he thinks you might be over it he's testing the waters because he misses the attention. Please believe me when I say he treated this entire situation as all about him. Maybe now that some time has gone by he's feeling guilty, but you aren't responsible for making him feel better about it. Did he show you the same courtesy? Plus, I would bet ignoring that text and going right on with your healing will make you feel much better than dealing with his hurtfulness all over again.

I hope this helps.

Car