this is impossible. i miss him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
this is impossible. i miss him
8
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 9:34am
its the morning after he broke up with me..all i want to do is call him and tell him i want to come home
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 9:47am

don't you dare do it girl! find inner strength not to!

sounds mean but i mean he broke up with you for a reason, i'm sure calling him right now would just push him away that much further.

just keep telling yourself, "find the inner strength within me not to call him."

be strong! let him get in touch with you if he wants to talk.

gooood luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:23am
Don't call him. He told you how he feels, that you're just a buddy. Believe him. Don't let him keep you around just for company while he continues to talk to other girls looking for more than a buddy... You will be glad you didn't waste more time with him. It's hard to look at it that way right now, but the sooner you cut the ties and recover the sooner you'll be happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 5:35pm

Kathryn, start journal writing. Every time you want to call him, write him an UNSENT letter instead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 9:06am

Kathryn-
You're doing fine, expect to feel horrible, sad, angry, lonely etc... it's all normal.
Take if from someone who knows, the best thing you can do is NOT call him. My ex told me the Friday before New Years, while he was visitng friends in Cincinnati and I was home that he didn't think he wanted a g/f anymore. He wanted to be alone to do stuff that guys do w/o having to check in etc etc etc. He did tell me that he'd be home for the party we he were supposed to go to Sat night but he never showed, nor did he call me. New Years rolled around and no call etc. It was horrible and I felt like life was over. I called and called and called... left tearful messages etc on his vm and he still didn't call or come home. Not all the tears in the world made him realize that he was wrong and he wanted to be withi me. When he decided 5 days later to come home to the apt that we share, he told me that he cared about me a lot but he just doesn't love me. He knows I want to get married and he's not the person for that. He told me what a great girl I was and that I'm attactive and that I'll find someone that will love me the way I should be treated b/c he hasn't been doing it. Again I bawled my eyes out and he never slept at the apt with me again. If he ends up wanting it to work out he'll call you.

He's called me many many times since the breakup but not to talk or catch up... more to remind me of stupid things like rents due, how's the dog, to find out if he got any mail etc...dumb stuff. I don't answer all of his calls (usually just one a wk or so) and I don't call him. But take my advice... when you do talk to him, even it you don't admit it you're gettnig false hope and then you feel soooo much worse when you hang up the phone b/c you didn't hear what you wanted to hear. After 2 1/2 mths I know that he wasn't the right person for me and it still makes me sad. Yes I still cry, but less than I did in the beginning for what might have been, for what I truely wanted him to be, and for me wasting my time on a guy who didn't want to be with me in the first place-even after being to together for 5 yrs). I still want him to call just so I can not answer his call but I WON'T call him! Its now been 5 days of him not calling and I wonder if he will.

As hard as it is you need to do things for you. I' know its difficult to occupy enough time that you're not thinking about him but you have to try.
Take a walk/ rent movies/ go to dinner with friends/ go to a movie/ call friends on the phone/ see if there is extra work you can do for work--it's not fun but you'll be busy/ read books/write a journal-- this does help. I've even gone back and read some of the things I wrote 2 mths ago and I was really really bitter. Now I'm just more lonely.

Keep your chin up and you'll be fine. We're here to listen and write wheneven you need to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:29am
dnt call him jst keep it at feeling like calling him. mine has gone out of hand i am experiensing the same probem. but mine is a bit different from ur story. i live with this guy he has been my boyfriend for the past four years i love him very much but it is jst not working out. he does things and when i talk to him about it he gets angry and tells me that we should call it quits. and sometimes he threatens to chase me from his house. he only comes home to sleep at around 3am otherwise he is never home. he has told me a couple of times that he doesnt love me at first i didnt believe him but now i do, he doesnt care anymore and he doesnt like being with me. i dont know what to do cos i cant jst forget him i love him, he is my first love and i thought we were soul mates.i tried leaving him before but it never works out i always come crawling back to him. which is wat i dont want,i jst want to erase him from my mind and move on. plis help how do i do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:47am

My ex would get drunk and he's always fight with me. He was find with everyone else but me...I don't know why b/c I didn't do anything wrong, he'd just fight. Itd always turn into him telling me he doesn't love me and he doesn't want to be with me. He even called me fat. He'd really into going to the gym and he actually said to me "Look at you and look at me, why would I want to be with you!" It burned like fire and I was sooo upset and hurt b/c I thought he loved me. The next day he'd say he didn't remember telling me that and he'd appologize and I'd forgive but like you, now I belive him.

We met online in a chat room by accident 7 yrs ago and just talked on the phone for 2 yrs (never met and were just friends). Finally we met after 2 yrs and we hit it off really well. 11 mths later I moved 7 hrs from my family (we're very close) to live with him. Now I wish I never met him and feel like I wasted all that time. My family and friends tell me it wasn't wasted time b/c I've grown up, matured, learned I could do things that I never would have done before, I've gained new job experience and loved. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and move on and find love again (I'm trying to belive this but it's hard b/c I'm 34 and not the type to just go out to bars and most of my friends are married)I'm not so much the outgoing type like my ex was and I think that's why I liked talking to him and being around him so much. I too thought we were soul mates... c'mon, who meets online and talks for 2 yrs as just friends a zillion times a day (and I'm not kidding, sevearl times a day for hours and hours and hours) then meet up and move in together. I thought that was fate... little did I know it wasn't fate it was hell.

Now I'm not calling and he obviously isn't calling either and it's time to pick up my heart and my jaw off the floor and get myself together. I'm not going to sit here and pout and cry over some guy who doesn't want to be with me. Hopefully down the road he'll realize his mistake and crawl/grovel back to me and I can slam the door in his face and tell him what I really think but right now I'm trying to hold it together and not be that crazy ex g/f that he'd like to tell everyone that I am/was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:48am
I know it doesn't feel like it right now but time will take care of that need to call him. Don't beat yourself up for missing him and wanting him back. Of course you miss him. That's okay. But try to be patient and trust that you already have everything that you need to get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 3:39pm
Belly_2004...it looks as if we both got dumped on the same day!! The Friday before new years....New years was horrible..i received no phone call nothing from him..my ex has attempted no ..zero contact..nothing,....i get discouraged because i wish he would call just so i never never answer..but he hasnt...i read everyones post and it seems as the exs atleast call after a few mths to "check up" ...i had my hopes up he would atleast do that..nothing..i have stuck with the nc rule..thanks to this board....and the strenght i get from it...i think everyone is right..even if they dont call it is better for us not to get our hopes up.....at this pt..some days are good..some are bad..you just have to keep moving forward..and realize there is still a life out there..it is just scary...even after 2 1/2 mths i still breakdown and cry and just wish it were different..but its not..and its still a struggle..why didnt it work etc...but you will smile and laugh again...the other night i was getting ready to go out with friends, and i looked in the mirror..and for the first time i was excited to get dressed up again..but part of me wanted him to see me....pathetic..i know....it will get better...