Insomnia and I miss him
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| Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:01am |
Well, I can't sleep. I have insomnia so bad. I'm tired but my body won't relax. I still miss the idiot. I did get a little bit of joy today. Soooo... my ex went to talk to his ex (his daughters mom) the night she broke up with her bf. Anyway, she started telling him that they hadn't mourned their relationship and that they both got involved with other people before they should of.
So he comes home and calls me. At first he was telling me about their talk. Then towards the end is when he started with the "I need time to mourn." I asked what he was mourning. he said the loss of his family. He said, "I'm not over not having my family together." Anyway, SHE originally dumped him. He's been my friend for.. well, dang. Since I can remember. 21 years or so. This girl has dumped this guy on 3 other occasions. This last time was the 4th time. Sooo... My honest opinion is that he is waiting for her to come back to him. I know he is. I give up. He worships this girl that treats him like dirt, and breaks his heart over and over again. He can say it's his "family" he misses but come on. I was not born yesterday. So, I know when she suggested they mourn for a while he thought in the back of his head they might have another chance. So, I was at the store and who do I run into? His ex and her boyfriend that she broke up with. Kissing and holding hands and as happy as 2 love birds. So, curiosity got the best of me. I went home and looked at her myspace page. (I know! I"m bad) Anyway, I look and what do I see? Her boyfriend all over her page saying he loooooooves her and appreciates her and she is his world and he is so lucky to have her. All new posts. It was so funny. And they started last week.
SO, I'm sitting here and I know that if he doesn't know yet, when she does fess up that she "MOURNED" for a whole FOUR WHOPPING DAYS, he is going to feel like an idiot. Ahhh! I know I should not find so much joy in this but I have done this with him twice!!! He left me once for her because she wanted her family back as soon as she found out about me. Then she confessed 3 months later she didn't love him. she was just jealous and she broke us up because she "knew she could." Then I took him back. Then she started trying to be "friends" with him so they can get along for their daughters sake (which I'm totally supportive of) BUT all of the sudden they're going to do things "for their daughter together" and he breaks it off again. She still had a boyfriend but he said, he doesnt know what he wants and he needs time to get over her. Sooo... we go through the revolving door AGAIN. He begs and pleads for a month or so. I blow him off and go out with friends and do things without him and he's like a tick that won't leave. He would sit her and watch me put on make up to go have fun without him and sit here until I left. Then would come back the next morning. My God! Eventually he would win me over. I was the one that would suffer. I was in pieces. Now he did it again and they were BOTH going to "mourn". But to his surpsrise she only needed a couple of days to get over what he has been being a jacka$$ over for a year and a half. So, please don't think I'm mean because I could laugh about the fact that he's going to feel so stupid when he finds out if he doesn't already. My friend Rick (ex bf) and I have a bet going. He thinks he'll call by Sunday afternoon. I said it'll take at least another couple weeks. I don't want to lose because then I have to buy breakfast, lunch or dinner. Whichever the person who loses chooses.
I like having Rick to talk to. We broke up 6 years ago but we are good friends now. We have been there for each other over the years. We went from a bad heartbreak to a good friendship. It took a long time but whenever I think of what we went through I'm reminded of how strong I am and how I can get through this becuase I've been down lower than I am right now and came out on top.
I know this post might not make much sense but I just needed to vent b/c I couldn't sleep and I was missing him. Have a good night ladies. I feel better now. I'm gonna try to go to sleep. And if any of you have any feedback or advice on the blurb I typed out, please do. I seem strong right now but my stupid heart won't stop missing him and I HATE IT!!!

My heart goes out to ya girlfriend, it sucks to be in our shoes. Ultimately I would bet my last dollar that HE and his ex will NEVER be together again... seems she uses him as a fallback when her relationships are rocky because she knows she can. But if he isn't over her, he needs the time to do so, WITHOUT stringing you along in limbo.
I didn't sleep well either last night, tossed and turned, woke to thoughts of him, and wanted to think about him, but wouldn't allow it and would think of anything else as i drifted back to sleep.
I dont know how valuable my input is, as you can see, i do all the wrong things...but I do always know what the right things are, I just dont follow....till now! If I were you, I wouldn't talk to him about his "mourning" let him do that, without you, it is giving him the crutch and security you provide for him, and frankly I dont think he deserves it. I dont know your history, (how long, depth of relationship,etc) But, i get the jist you two were good friends first? So I think now is the time for you to tell him, he needs to mourn "another woman" without your love and support, not that you are shutting his friendship out, but that YOU need alittle space to see if your relationship can withstand his emotional EX-rollercoaster without you being his savior, its not fair to you.
Give me some history, I am sorry if you did all that already, or just give me the date of your original post... hang in there sister, we are all here together, try to sleep, I know its so hard... i have to get ready for my gym appearance as a confident, dont need you anymore kind of woman...and that may take hours, lol... keep posting and I will check back with you all in a few hours.
I always said, it would be GREAT if any of us lived close, we could go out together, hang out, and help eachother...be eachothers movie date for now :)
Hugs,
Louise in NJ
Hi Louise,
You're right. You are good at giving advice. I like what you said. I didn't know what I was going to do when he called. I just knew I wasn't going to answer and would call him back. He's too used to me being readily available whenever he calls. I don't want to be taken advantage of.
Anyway,here's a little history. So you know we grew up together. 2nd grade through high school to now. I'm 29. Since I was 8 years old I think. But he was friends with my Tom Boy little sister. My sis is only a year younger than I am so a lot of our friends were mutual and our clicks intertwined. So we grew up together Anyway, So yes we were friends before we started dating. When we were kids I didn't really give him a second thought as anything more than a friend. Then last year I ran into him at the cell phone store. He was looking at phones and I was buying a new phone. I hadn't seen him in like a 1 and a 1/2 to 2 years. He was cute. I never noticed. Lol! Him and his girlfrined (who have a 3 year old daughter together) had broken up 7 months prior. They had been together for 5 1/2 years or 6 years. Whatever. So he seemed over it. We started hanging out. Dinner, movies, hanging at my apartment, drinks. Then all the sudden these wierd sparks start flying. We both feel them. We both start to feel strange and nervous when he look at each other. It was so cute. So, we kissed that day and liked it so we did it everyday after that too. LOL! So we date for 2 months and he introduces me to his daughter. He told his ex he was going to do it before. She had a heart attack of course.
So, him and his daughter start spending tons of time with me. She is so beautiful. Very easy to get attached to. About a month later she wants her family back. She wants to "talk." That day they talked but he wouldn't answer my calls or call me back. hours later he calls back and is very upset and won't tell me anything about their talk. Then that evening I call him and he says he's at her house picking up clothes for his daughter and he'll call me back when he leaves. 45 minutes later, no call. So I call him and leave a message. He calls me back about 15 min later and says they are home but he fell asleep. I didn't believe him. I told him I didn't believe him. He assures me he's at home. Well I followed my gut and decided to drive by his house. He wasn't home! I was furious. I blew up his phone but he kept rejecting my call. UUUUUGH! I was so mad. That night I cried and cried. I went to work the next day and had to leave early. I called him on my way home and asked he we could talk. He said ok and told me to meet him and his daughter a a restaurant. So I did. He couldn't even look into my eyes. I asked if he slept ok. He said yes. I said, "was her bed comfortable?" He froze. He didn't know what to say. He didn't say anything. I said, "well." He just said, "what do you want me to say?" So anyway, that ended badly. He went to my apt 15 minutes after I got hom and wanted to talk. He said he had to try again for his daughters sake. We left it at that. I was torn apart. He said it was so hard because he was losing a friend and a gf. I cried and cried. Called into work. Almost lost my job and eventually pulled myself together.
About a month and a 1/2 later my cousin drags me out with her. Then again the next weekend, then again and again. Before I knew it I was out every weeked and wasn't sad anymore. Just when I was happy and over it (month and 1/2 later. 3 months post breakup) He calls. I didn't even know who it was b/c I deleted him out of my phone. The number was familiar so I answered. I was in shock. He said he just called to say I was right. I asked about whata. He said, "about everything. You were right about everything." He said they had broken up days prior. Exactly 3 months to the day after we broke up. I had told him, "I give it 3 months." So when I looked at the calendar I was like WHOA! I'm good. anyway, this is when he started calling and coming over and I couldn't shake him. He said he wasn't going anywhere because he was going to prove to me he wants to be with me. For about a month I kept going out with my cousin and partying. Then suddenly I was pulled in. I had feelings again and gave him another chance. That was about 10 months ago. We broke up once before over this needing time to mourn once more in these 10 months. That lasted about a week or so.
I had an operation and he stayed with me for 3 days and took care of me. He had to work but that weekend came back and stayed with me again. Suddenly we're back together. He got upset and said, "how did we end up back here?" I told him, "I don't know. I didn't force you to do anything. You did it on your own." We argued and I told him, "I can't do this anymore. You're crazy. Just leave me alone. Since you want to play victim like you get pulled into a relationship against your will and you won't take accountability for any of your actions, I'll make it so poor little you won't end up here again. My lease is almost up. I'm moving and I'm changing my phone number. I can't take this anymore. Since you make it seem like you CAN'T stay away from me, I'll make it so you have to." We hung up the phone and went to sleep. The next day he called me and apologized and said he was sorry. He just wanted to be with me. Please forgive him. I DID. (I know I'm a softy.)
Now That was in March I think. Now here we are again. You know this story. She had a boyfriend since, well she was cheating on him when When they broke up 10 months ago. So she's had a boyfriend for almost a year and they broke up. She calls him and he goes over to talk with her. He comes home and breaks up with me because they need time to mourn. This was almost 2 weeks ago. Now last week her and her boyfriend got back together. I don't know if my ex knows yet but it makes me laugh because I know he's going to feel so stupid. I can't wait. So that's my story of my rollercoaster relationship. I do love him. I just guarded myself this time around. I didn't allow myself to fall as hard as I did before. He almost broke my spirit last time and I didn't want to go through that again. It does suck because we were friends first. We have mutual friends and our families know each other. It sucks when everyone is asking where he is. I'm sure everyone asks him the same thing. Plus I miss his daughter. She is so awesome. Oh my God! She is amazing. I love her. But I know I have to stay strong.