Intro..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Intro..
2
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 1:40pm

Hey all,

My BF broke up with me almost 4 weeks ago. I'm 27 and I have a daughter from a previous relationship (never married).

I'm still trying to figure things out and move forward as best I can but I find it incredibly difficult to maintain No CONTACT. You see, we lived together and for the first few weeks he called several times a week trying to organize this and finalize that. For a week now, things were peaceful and I figured that any remaining things he had left behind I could give to a mutual friend. Then he called again last Tuesday wanting to see if any mail had come in for him. He also wanted to take my daughter out for lunch. It made me so upset. Right now, I just dont have the ability to set any boundaries with him. I still love him very much and I find a hard time saying 'no' to him. I guess I just dont want to make things more awkward between us than they already are.

If he does come to see my daughter, this will be the first time I've seen him since he broke it off with me. I guess I'm just super nervous about it all.

-adc

-almostdoesntcount

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: almostdoesntcount
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 2:05pm
Awww, I had to write first off, because I am a single mother 28 of a 7 year old. Hugs to you,. But as sweet as it seems for him to still want to have lunch with your daughter, it is not fair to her to confuse her like that. You have to break the attachment that has been placed because he is no longer with you. Unless he plans on "playing daddy" with her for the rest of her little life, while you both move on to other lovers, than he's not going to stick around. I too was with a bf when my son was 4. It was my first relationship after my ex moved out. We both got so attached to this man and then it didn't work out. There we were, heartbroken. I would heal over it , but it wasn't fair for me to put my son in that position, without giving it more time. I let them do everything together from the very beginning, and I should have given the relationship more time b4 introducing the child. And trying to explain why the bf wasn't around anymore was really hard on him. We ended on good terms, but I had to cut their contact. My son actually thought he would be his daddy and fully expected him to be just that. I didn't know that!!! SO now I'm very cautious, and I am sending caution to you. This guy seems decent enough, but he must not realize he's affecting this little girls very being. I know you have feelings for him and hope he'll change his mind, but he's gotta get that straight and not drag *little* hearts around in the meantime.
Warm wishes to you, it's just my opinion, I'm sorry , it's such a sad situation.
Grace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: almostdoesntcount
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 11:44pm

Thanks Grace,

My biggest mistake in this relationship was getting back together with him. We lived together for 6 months and he got scared and left. A couple of months later we got back in touch and we decided to give it another shot, much too quickly. We never really resolved any of our core issues. And here were are again, he bails cause things got too tough and I'm heartbroken but trying my best to soldier on for the sake of my DD.

He is supposed to take her out for lunch tomorrow, but he still hasn't phoned or made contact to confirm. So I'm thinking he'll bail on this too. And if he does, thats fine as I have not made any promises to DD. But I doubt he'll get another shot at it. I just won't let him. And like you said, he can't be dragging little hearts around.

-adc

-almostdoesntcount

 

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