Is this it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Is this it?
2
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:08pm
My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for four, and we have two kids together (one on the way). Well, when I was eight months pregnant with our second child (last month) he told me that he didn't know if he wanted to be married to me or not anymore. This is due to problems in the past, including one affair from me, and that he doesn't trust me anymore. Now the affair was two years ago. He says that he does not know yet how he really feels and if he can forgive me but we should stay together until he knows. I suggested me moving out but he says that he would be scared that he would do something stupid, like sleeping with another woman. I have changed my ways and I am a different person than I was, but he says that he doesn't know if he can ever forgive me. Should I do him a favor and leave or just sit around wondering if it will be my last day being married? I do love him 100% but he says that he loves me but is not "in love" with me. Is this the end or is there hope??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
In reply to: acoffee1982
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:23pm

this must be so confusing for you. i'm tempted to say leave him. i mean an affair is an awful thing for someone to have to get over. But it sounds to me like he's not even trying. Also do you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life when they aren't quite sure if they really love you. However thats easier said than done when you have been together so long and there are young children involved.

It sounds to me though that maybe he is holding something back. It seems strange that he says he isn't in love with you, but he doesn't want you to leave and he is scared he might sleep with someone else. If i were you i would talk to him. Ask him if there is something else bothering him. Reassure him that you love him and want to be with him and only him. Tell him you are sorry for what you did but you can't go on apologising for the rest of your life and if he tries to forgive you then you will prove to him that he can trust you and you won't hurt him again. But make sure he knows that you can't go on forever unsure of how he feels, it will tear you apart and your children will be able to feel the tension between you. Then give him a bit of time and space to think things through and hopefully it will be the wake up call he needs.

I hope some of this is useful and everything works out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: acoffee1982
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 10:59pm
Welcome to the board!! I'm sorry you're going through all this...especially now when it should be a happy time with a new baby due anytime. I think having an affair was wrong though but I'm sure you've realized that and learned your lesson. Did your husband find out about it recently or has he know the past 2 yrs? If he has known the whole time and still doesn't "know" if he can forgive you....he'll never know and is probably just trying to make you squirm. If that's the case then I'd probably go but if he recently found out....I'd give him some time to straighten out his thoughts and give yourself time to regain his trust. Good luck and keep us posted. We're here if you need to talk!!











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