Is it better to go??
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Is it better to go??
| Fri, 12-24-2004 - 11:13pm |
I have been married for almost 10 years and have two children ages 7 & 4. Me and my husband have been struggling for several years in our marriage with several issues. My biggest issue is that I don't get any help around the house with anything without begging for it several times. I know that isn't as bad as someone who is violent or a drunk but it is very draining. I do work outside the home and I know it is only part time right now but I did previously work full time and I just about pulled my hair out. I have had several car problems lately and have gotten more help from the guys that I work with than my own husband. I know that if I have a real problem that I need to go to my parents rather than bother him. The last time my car broke down on my way home from work I called my husband to come and help me, I got the same excuse that I have several other times, I can't leave I'm the only one here right now. He works in a factory that would survive if he left for an emergancy.
Second, I feel like I am so ugly and overweight because for this whole year we have only had sex 6 times.(that is being nice on his behalf) I know that I'm not ugly or overweight because I have had several compliments in the last several months from people I work with or go to church with. I can't figure out if he is having an affair or not??
He tells me he is not an "touchy, feely" type person, but even if I do sit next to him or hold his hand it doesn't take him long to either move or let go of my hand.
I feel like I am becoming a horrible Mother to my girls because I am always in a bad mood or really tired.
We have went to counseling before and it didn't get us anywhere...he doesn't see that there is a problem.
I guess what I am asking after all this silly rambeling is, am I just being silly and should I just deal with it all by myself? Most days I feel like I am a single Mom anyway.
Or should I finally confront him and stand my ground this time that I want to seperate? Thanks for taking the time to listen to me rambel.
Second, I feel like I am so ugly and overweight because for this whole year we have only had sex 6 times.(that is being nice on his behalf) I know that I'm not ugly or overweight because I have had several compliments in the last several months from people I work with or go to church with. I can't figure out if he is having an affair or not??
He tells me he is not an "touchy, feely" type person, but even if I do sit next to him or hold his hand it doesn't take him long to either move or let go of my hand.
I feel like I am becoming a horrible Mother to my girls because I am always in a bad mood or really tired.
We have went to counseling before and it didn't get us anywhere...he doesn't see that there is a problem.
I guess what I am asking after all this silly rambeling is, am I just being silly and should I just deal with it all by myself? Most days I feel like I am a single Mom anyway.
Or should I finally confront him and stand my ground this time that I want to seperate? Thanks for taking the time to listen to me rambel.

Mel,
So sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation.
Don't minimize the problems in your relationship by thinking that *at least* he's not abusive or an alcoholic. Being with someone who is not there physically, mentally and emotionally is just as bad. I think that a marriage is about sharing life's troubles together, not about each having your own set. You have the right to demand his support as long as he choses to be your husband.
I suspect that his passive behavior is not anything new. He may have even been that way before you were married. Previous counseling did not turn out well because he didn't want to make your happiness a priority over his ill will. He just keeps *going with the flow* because you have given up taking him to task for it. I am not suggesting that you should find your happiness through him, but, rather, you should find your happiness with him.
You are in a bad mood and you are really tired because you are unhappy and frustrated. Stop and think what this is doing to YOU. Unfortunately, you only see what this is doing to your children, never considering your own well-being.
You ask if you should remain in a relationship and continue to be unhappy, or face an uncertain future. Only you know if you have the strength to do either. If your husband does not wish to try counseling again, go for your own sake and find out which decision is best for you.
Mimiche