is it good? i want to leave.
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is it good? i want to leave.
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 8:50am |
I have been an emotional mess since last night, when my roomate and i sat down and i let it all out, as we uncovered some rather important stuff.
And now I cannot find the words to tell him what I mean.
I've been with A. for a little over 2 years now, and to sum it up, it's been a roller coaster of emotions and times when I should have just gave up. But love keeps us there.
We hit a roadblock about 3 weeks ago and broke up right before I went away. There was alot leading up to it including constant fighting. I was away for a week and the first day was the most difficult, but by the end of the trip I was at peace. However, He spoke to me the night I came back, and we decided to try to work it out. He had said after I broke up with him and wasn't around, he re-evaulted his whole self and saw the things he needed to work on. He needed to be happy in order to be with me. He couldn't let work destory the relationship anymore. Maybe I was foolish, but I decided to try to work on it again, because he's never tried to change to save anything.
So now it's been really well, but I feel unstable. We sat down to dinner 2 nights ago with him laying it all out asking me where he saw us in two years. It wasn't necessairly an unfair question, but I felt suffocated. Since then, I feel like I need to be alone and I don't know how to let him know how I feel without hurting him. Is there someone out there who can make sense of my feelings? How can I want out when it's actually good now? I don't know how to feel, don't know how to deal. I feel like I'm turning someone down who wants to give me everything. I love him, but I feel terrible.
And now I cannot find the words to tell him what I mean.
I've been with A. for a little over 2 years now, and to sum it up, it's been a roller coaster of emotions and times when I should have just gave up. But love keeps us there.
We hit a roadblock about 3 weeks ago and broke up right before I went away. There was alot leading up to it including constant fighting. I was away for a week and the first day was the most difficult, but by the end of the trip I was at peace. However, He spoke to me the night I came back, and we decided to try to work it out. He had said after I broke up with him and wasn't around, he re-evaulted his whole self and saw the things he needed to work on. He needed to be happy in order to be with me. He couldn't let work destory the relationship anymore. Maybe I was foolish, but I decided to try to work on it again, because he's never tried to change to save anything.
So now it's been really well, but I feel unstable. We sat down to dinner 2 nights ago with him laying it all out asking me where he saw us in two years. It wasn't necessairly an unfair question, but I felt suffocated. Since then, I feel like I need to be alone and I don't know how to let him know how I feel without hurting him. Is there someone out there who can make sense of my feelings? How can I want out when it's actually good now? I don't know how to feel, don't know how to deal. I feel like I'm turning someone down who wants to give me everything. I love him, but I feel terrible.

I love my ex very much but now I wonder whether or not it would be worth it to live again painful situations in order to get back together.... and the answer is NO!!!!
Although I still love him and it hurts very much to be separated I don't want to go through the same again, his indifference, his humiliating words to me and his criticisms. Love cannot erase those things and cannot change the way he is. If you are feeling unhappy and unsure about your relationship it means that maybe it would be better off to be alone. You already had the chance to make it work and it didn't happen.
Maybe there won't be one. Maybe there will.
If your relationship is emotionally draining, can you say for certain that you aren't "settling" for what has become "natural" for you both.
Imagine yourself there, with no changes, in 10 years. Is it what you want?
I wish I had learned this lesson years ago:
Try to remember that you can change your surroundings and yourself, but you cannot change anyone.
People say that a relationship is work. I agree, but I think that with time it should become easier, not harder.
Take care, I hope that you find the peace you seek.