It happened again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2006
It happened again
1
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:12am
I met this man when I was going through a divorce from my husband. My husband and myself were married for 18 years, and when Nathan came into the picture he seemed to be the man of everyone's dreams. And of course we know that never happens, right? About a year after my husband and I divorced Nathan and I decided with my children's approval to move in together. All went well for about 6 months, and then the truth came out. He was the most controlling person I have ever met, if my tweens didnt walk the dog immediately after school, (after being on the bus for over an hour) he would go outside and flip the circuit breaker to the house and make them stay in the dark, I would then have to rush home, let him know what an idiot he was, and take care of my kids. It was just little controlling things like that, that drove me insane. I am a very strong woman, and have provided well for my children, in the absence of their dad, that's a whole nother story. I took my children and left this control freak, and we were fine. He came back into my life as well as my children's lives, (now they are older teens) and made all of these promises of how he now understood my love for my children, how he knew that my children came first, and that he had changed so much. And in the last 8 months I had only seen the really great things, I truly thought that since he had sought professional help, he was able work through his problems. Well, about a month ago, with my children's blessing, I married Nathan. 3 weeks into the marriage I made Nathan leave, because he started the controlling again, taking the prescription drugs, drinking, all things he said that he would never do again. He ruined our Thanksgiving, because of his selfishness, and I asked him to leave on Thanksgiving night. It has been a bitter pill to swallow, I will truly tell you that. My children have all been wonderful, my 17 year old son, stepped up to the plate, and was there for me, when I asked him to leave, he never raised his voice, he was just there for the moral support. Now, Nathan is coming back around, calling me, sending me emails, of how much he loves me, and that he wants our marriage to work, and that he loves me so much. I know in my heart I love him, but I just cant do it again. It took me years to let him back into my heart, when he hurt me the first time, and now that he has betrayed my love again, I cant do it. I need strength, help, hope.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:19am

Do whatever you need to do NOT to let this man back into your life again. Even if for some reason you don't really believe you deserve better than this, your children definitely do deserve better and it's up to you to provide it for them.

Get counseling, enlist the help of family and friends--whatever it takes. Use technology to your advantage as well--block him from emailing you, for example.

You can do this. You have to--for your kids, if not for yourself.

Sheri