it happened so suddenly

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
it happened so suddenly
2
Sat, 08-13-2005 - 3:05pm

I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for close to 3 years. I met him through work and we hit it off as friends. Then it progressed to a relationship. Half year later he decided to leave the company and pursue a business with his family. Things went wrong with the business and he didn’t work at all for 2 years. Although he lived an hour drive away from me, we continued our relationship. I supported him and got him whatever he needed. We loved each other and were the best of friends. Rarely did we get into any fights because we got along so well.

All of a sudden, the business opened up and one month later, he decided to call it quits with me. He stated he didn’t have time for me because of the long hours at work and he said he didn’t care for me in that way anymore. I was shocked to hear this. He’s going through some challenges with his life/career, but I had no idea he would leave me just like that.

I went to see him at his business with some friends the other day – this trip was planned way before the break-up. I thought I would be okay but I wasn’t. It was hard to see him, but I was able to put on a smile. He has changed his look completely, from hair to clothes. I feel like I don’t know who he is anymore. It hurts because I planned a future with him. And not only did I lose a boyfriend, I lost my best friend. He says he doesn’t know what to do with his life, but yet he seemed so sure that breaking up with me was the best thing to do. I know deep down he still loves me because he would call telling me he regrets breaking up with me. I know I should move on, but then I feel maybe sometime in the future he wants to get back with me. What should I do? I’ve never felt so confused in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:55am

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult situation. I went through a similar one with my ex. Things were great with us, until things started going great with him.

Unfortunately, all you know for sure is that he left you. You don't know that he's coming back, and waiting for it doesn't make it any more likely. I can say that mine did and what I know is that I don't want to be with someone who was with me in convenience and then bailed once he had what he wanted. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. I thought we had a future and then he pulled the rug out from under me. I understand your confusion.

The best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him, until you feel better, at least. If he really wants to be with you, he'll find a way to find you and tell you. If you're the one for him, he won't forget you and he won't miss out on the chance to be with you again. Let him come to you - but try not to accept anything less than a guy that wants to be with you entirely - otherwise you'll end up right where you left off, with a confused guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too without regard for the yo-yo-ing he's doing to you. If it's right, it's right and you won't be able to mess it up -whether by moving on or in any other way.

Good luck with everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 7:47pm

Thank you akastephanie for your advice. I’m glad to hear from someone who has gone through this similar situation.

We had agreed to be just friends since that was how we started. But I guess we can’t go back to that entirely because of all that we have been through. I haven’t picked up the phone to call him yet. And ever since the break-up, it is he who’s been calling me. Maybe that is where the confusion lies because sometimes I get mix signals of him wanting to come back to me or he is just being a friend. I think if I talk to him again, we need to set some guidelines/barriers of what can be talked or not talked about.

I guess you are right, I need some distance from him so he can figure out what it is he really wants. And I need some time for myself to heal, or to at least move on with my life and plan for my own future....and not his and mines together.

I should always tell myself I shouldn’t settle for anything less or someone who isn’t ready or willing to give me the same love I’m giving him.