It Hurts
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| Tue, 09-07-2004 - 7:13am |
About three weeks ago he started acting weird. Not calling me as much, not e-mailing me and not saying sweet things to me. I finally got him to talk to me. We talked for three hours. Basically he claims that ever since I broke up with him in June he has been waiting for me to do it again. Now keep in mind from June until a couple weeks ago we were getting along fine. He said he loves me but doesn't know if he can get rid of this feeling and doesn't know that it is fair to take me along for the ride. Here is the kicker. I found out that this past week-end his family was having a farewell party for him b/c he is moving at the end of the month. I asked him if his work had given him a move date yet and he told me the end of the month. He claims he told me this but he did not and I know he knows he did not tell me. In his slight defense, he has been overwhelmed with work. He told me that he feels he cannot give me the attention I need right now. He wants to take a "breather" "not a break or break-up" until his big project at work is done. He said we need to appreciate one another again. But as much as I would like to believe this is the case, I can only feel that this is a prelude to a break-up. He is going to come back and say it is too hard and since he is moving it will only make it worse (I do not do well when we are apart and I am sure he will use tis against me). My sister tells me I keep focusing on the negative but I know how he was acting the past three weeks and it wasn't just stress from work, it was a change of feeling for me. This by all means has not been a perfect relationship. If we would stay together it would be A LOT of work. But I love him. I love him so very much. I think that three weeks ago, when he started acting strange, was when his work told him when he would be moving and that he never really wanted me to move with him. At any point, this hurts. I try so hard and things seem to never work out. Plus, I don't have too many good friends that I can lean on. Help.

these are the things you said in your post that
Stood out to me......
1 .. He told me that he feels he cannot give me the
attention I need right now. He wants to take a "breather"
2..This by all means has not been a perfect relationship.
If we would stay together it would be A LOT of work.
3.....he started acting weird. Not calling me as much,
not e-mailing me and not saying sweet things to me.
I finally got him to talk to me. We talked for three hours.
Basically he claims that ever since I broke up with him
in June he has been waiting for me to do it again.
4.... He said he loves me but doesn't know if he can
get rid of this feeling and doesn't know that it
Is fair to take me along for the ride.
from what you stated here, i feel
it's TIME you took a step back and "PAY"
attention to what he "IS" saying and his
"Actions" behind them.......
relationships are "CHOICES" ....
and when people decide to be "in" a
relationship, they are choosing to
SHARE their, time, space,Love, "plans", goals,
and true feelings with that partner.
it is "too" apparent in your post
that your boyfriend is not on the
"same" level of a "relationship" with you "NOW"......
Most men as well as women want security.....
to know and feel a partner they want to
keep in their life "will" Be there for them.....
and the sad part with this security is...
sometimes a man or a woman "want" a
person to just stay "PUT" While they are going
along "else where" with "their" life.
He has a LOT on his plate......
job, time, "insecurity", family, friends, goals,
And very little "space" left for "desert".... YOU.
you said it would take a lot of "WORK" to have
this relationship with him and so far you "have" been
doing everything you can. i think it's time you work on
YOU, and let what takes place from now, take it's own
course. take his "favor" of telling you, he don't want to be
unfair and allow you to go along for a RIDE with him.
a man that "want" to truly BE WITH a woman "WILL"
call, see, and hold her hand while he walks in the
Direction of a "relationship" together.....
take care of "you" now, and hold
on to your strength and faith
Of being OKAY..... with or without him.
Until I got to the above, I had a totally different response. But it seems that you believe that he might have wanted you to go with him...and that you're thinking he's wanting this break now because it is a convenience and then he'll come back and say "I'm done" once his project is over, and move complete.
Why did you think he wanted you to move with him? He's never asked, you'd have to totally relocate your life........you wouldn't do that on a whim, or in a 3-week timespan.
I'm sure you're right...he doesn't want more pressure and obligation until this project is done, his move complete...and the he might want to remain dating but not necessarily exculsively - if you're really living quite a distance apart.
But I don't think he EVER thought you'd be moving with him....I think you thought that and therefore you were wanting to make everything ideal for him - so that he'd take you along.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Actually he did ask me to move to be with him. Our plan was for me to move after he did since his date of moving was up in the air. He told me he wanted to marry me once we were in the state he is moving to. At the time he said he wanted to get married I feel he was sincere, but I am not sure if he ever really thought it through. Thanks for your post.