it hurts when I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
it hurts when I think
4
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 2:36pm
I know things are ending and we are on the downslope. It hurts so much. Last night was the first night in a year and a half that we haven't been together, that we haven't slept in the same bed. And it hurts. I woke up a gazzillion times crying. I'm at work right now and I need to get this off my chest. I'm writing this because it's the only thing between me picking up the phone and calling him or texting him.
Just to think of all the details kills me...how am I going to make it through sorting through our things and seperating mine from his? how am I going to make it through making all the financial arrangements? I can't even fathom how I am going to do it. I don't even know if I can make it through the weekend. I know everyone says it gets better. But he hurt me so so so bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 4:16pm

You will be able to do it by working on one thing at a time. That's all you can do. Hang in there and keep posting when you get the urge to call or call a friend instead. Also, if you are still having trouble sleeping after a few days it might help to see your doctor and get a mild sleep aid until your emotions are a little more under control. I know it is very hard but you will get through it.

Hugs,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 6:43pm

oh thank you everyone for the support!! I imagine I will be on here quite a bit in the next few days. I'm just now about to leave for work and I will be heading home to pick up some more clothes to take to where I am now staying. He is home all day today, so I'm nervous for the confrontation. One lesson I learned from this, is to NEVER EVER EVER move in with anyone you aren't married to. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have found out that he had a porn problem and I wouldn't have found who he really is.

Is it normal for men to not feel or show any remorse when they hurt women? he told me last night over I sat up all night thinking that maybe he has some sort of emotional disorder. I have only seen him cry maybe once the whole time that we have been together and I rarely see him angry. OR could it be that maybe I'm WAY TOOOOOOO EMOTIONAL for the both of us? Someone please just knock me out with a big rock and let me sleep through all of this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 2:56pm

Men tend to deal with hardships, breakups etc. differently than women. They don't show feelings or show as much emotion even if they are feeling it just stongly as women do. It's not an emotional disorder, it is simply a different (some would say a less healthy) way of dealing with problems. As soon as you can, it may help to limit your contact with him and only return to get your things when he is not there if at all possible. Once you have completely moved out and have no reason for contact things will get a little easier. However, once you are distancing yourself, he may begin to call or text and try to have more contact with you so you will need to come up with a plan for yourself to deal with that. Read through some of the older posts here and you will get a sense of how others have handled these issues. Good luck and hugs!

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 4:14pm
I agree that guys do deal with it differently. The whole distancing thing is really really hard. I distanced myself and i couldnt get him to leave me alone. I had to be very firm and didn't talk to him for almost a month. It was what i needed to move on. He and I are now friends and ive started seeing other people. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Take care of all that immediately and start moving on. As far as financial things go, you might want to get a lawyer to act as a mediator to clear it all up. If not, do it all at once. Its like a bandaid...its easier if you rip it off immediately and not try to gradually get it off. It will get better, but its going to be hard for awhile... but trust me when i say.. there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you. Time is the ultimate healer.