It is indeed, very hard to do...
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| Fri, 04-25-2008 - 8:28pm |
Hello,
I'm glad I've found this board - I was almost hoping that I wouldn't have to be here but here I am.
My bf and I have been together for almost a year. We've had a lot of issues (him not being able to give me as much time as I wanted, I suspect something with his "friend", not cheating but not getting over her, lots of fights, etc.) and it finally came to a blow. He didn't want to see me today, we had an argument over the phone, he ended up getting angry and hanging up the phone on me. I could have left it there, but I was so angry and hurt. I knew that he wanted space, but of course sitting down and doing nothing (or distracting myself so that I won't be dwelling on this) really wasn't appealing to me, probably because I was so emotional. So of course I chose the radical step of going over to his place. And so we exchanged few words, and then exchanged keys.
Now I'm back home, cried for a few hours, my housemates trying to cheer me up (thanks heavens for having two other single girls in the house!). I've turned my phone off, simply because I know that he won't call me and I'd be tempted to call. In a way it's good that I know that he won't call me, but at the same time it hurts a lot. I honestly believe that he doesn't care about me enough to call me in any case, even if we didn't have our last fight. I was losing faith in him. So it hurts that he's not going to contact me.
Well, he would have to contact me sometime. He has things at my place that he'd want back, and as he doesn't have my keys anymore I suspect he'll call me sometime when he's calmed down a bit. Not sure whether that would be next week or month.
It is very difficult. Earlier in the evening he called this a space, but as we've exchanged keys I figure it'd be safe to assume that we're done. Deep inside me I know this is the right thing to do, I really deserve better (it's a very long story, but the bottom line is that he's stretched too much in all directions, his kids, his hobbies, his work, etc. that it makes no sense for him to be with someone as he won't be able to give that person any significant amount of time) but of course, it still hurts. I fell in love and I believe he once loved me too.
I'm angry, sad and hurt at the same time. Not feeling cruel or mean, but despair and emptiness. I'd appreciate a little support, please, as it's going to be a long night...

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Hello,
Yes, you and I seem to be in a similar boat. It's difficult being with someone who has a lot of responsibilities, that they're spread so thin across many things that they need/have to do. I've purposely not met my ex's kids as we both wanted to see how this panned out. We weren't planning this relationship to be forever, or ending in marriage or anything permanent, we were just seeing how things worked out. Obviously that was the right thing to do as this didn't work out, and it wouldn't have been good for the kids.
My ex and I work together, so we see each other all the time. Yesterday was the first work day since the break up, and I did quite well, but today's just really crap. I've been crying my eyes out (at least I've got my own office) and it hasn't been good to say the least. So yes, I get what you mean by being so close yet not being with him.
Some days, like today, it's very difficult. I feel very bruised, sad and find myself wondering why he won't be with me. I miss him terribly and it's amazing how little things in day-to-day life that can trigger the emptiness that I feel inside and make me breakdown. But some days, I know that it'll get better.
Not sure if most men vent on message board like we do. My ex can be very cold when he wants to be, I think he has an ability to shut his emotions down (which is probably the reason why he's got so much baggage - more like huge, gigantic suitcases!) and will walk away, rather than tackling/solving the problems.
LOL...SUITCASES.
Hello,
Really nice to know that you're there, going through a very similar situation. My story just got worse - found out that he was emotionally cheating on me, with another married woman! This just doesn't end - he's completely under his ex-wife's control, and having this affair for years, even decades and yet decides to hook up with me. It's impossible for him to be with her as they live quite apart, but they've been in constant contact by emails and texts. I won't go into details but it's really, really sordid. Can you imagine the other husband, who has no clue about this?
I feel very used. Before I remembered good things, felt sad about losing him. Now I just feel despair and wonder why I've been treated this way. No one deserved to be cheated on. Especially me, by him, when I really genuinely loved the guy, tried so hard to make it work, while he called me clingy (for wanting to see him - how wrong is that?!) and needy.
Clearly, none of this is my fault. I'm not perfect but compared to him, trying to juggle three women and who knows what else, I'm a living saint. It's not my loss, it's his, and I'm just very angry.
Of course, when I'm angry I get irrational but I'm not stupid so I won't do anything to get back at him or anything like that. I am hurt enough that I want to mentally and emotionally torture him but I'm sure the karma will get back to him one day. I'm not going down low to match his immaturity and callousness, I'm the one moving on to my fantastic life.
Keep in touch, hope you're feeling a little bit better than yesterday. Let's support each other through this - what better way is there to check up on another person in the world who's going through the same thing? My sleep schedule's completely out of sync and I find that I can burst into tears at any given moment, but I'm going to be strong. In fact, I am strong and smart for getting out of this. It hurts, the relationship obviously meant a lot to me but it's not my fault that I trusted him as we were in a proper relationship.
And yes, just like your ex mine can be very cold and anti-social as well. So I know he won't call me. Which just confirms that he never cared about me that much anyways. So that hurts but at this point, I don't care. I'm fabulous. I'm sure you are too. My mantra for today (and tomorrow, and the day after...) is "It's not my fault, it's his loss and I'm too good for him".
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