Is it a mistake?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Is it a mistake?
2
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 1:43pm
A brief summary: My ex and I were together for 5 1/2 years, with plenty of ups and downs mostly due to our age difference (8 year difference) and having a long distance relationship. Last May we broke up and less than a month later he had already moved in with someone new. His excuse for moving in with her was that he had no place else to go because the company that he started had just gone out of business and he needed to file for bankruptcy.
For the next several months we continued to talk and text eachother, the main reason being that he owed me money but I think neither one of us could let go and used any excuse to talk. In April he called to tell me that the new girl had kicked him out because she found out we were still talking. Three days later I found out that she asked him to come back, so he did. I told him that we needed to have no more contact with eachother and that as long as he kept sending me money that we had no reason to talk. So for three months we had no contact, then two weeks ago he called using the excuse that he wanted to make sure that I was receiving the money he was sending me. We got to talking and pretty soon we were on the phone for 2 hours and decided to get together that weekend and catch up. He told me that she was always giving him a hard time telling him that she could tell that he still loved me and he told me how miserable he was being with her. We ended up sleeping together and the bad thing is that it felt normal, as though we had never been apart. He says that he's trying really hard to get out of the situation he's in, but financially it's harder than he expected.
He called me this morning to tell me that she had kicked him out once again and that this time he's not going back.
The thing is I know I still love him, but I'm not sure if I am making a MAJOR mistake in even considering working things out with him. I feel so bad that he has no where to go and part of me wants to do whatever I can to help him but part of me wants to tell him that he made his bed and now he should lay in it.
If anyone has any words of advice I would appreciate it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 3:06pm

IMO, you're thinking with your heart and feelings and not with your head. What makes you think that this time things will work out with him? See, he's got tons of excuses for every thing and nothing is his fault....moved in with this girl due to bankrrupcy issues, keeps texting ou while living with the girl, she kicks him out becuase he lied to her and still was in contact with you, he comes back crawling to her, still texts you, gets his butt kicked out again. He could have gone to a male friend to stay while getting on his feet...but he chose a girl. The money he's sending you was the other excuse to call you up and get together. He's saying what you want to hear honey and you're falling for it. What other excuses does he need to get back into your home and yout bed? He's a master of excuses and doesn't take responsability for any of his acts. You feel sorry for him, BUT ya know, he's a big guy who doesn't like responsabilities or commitments. If you cut him off I';m sure he'll have another self-pitty party excuse to get back to you.

5 years of dating is too much time to "keep on dating". I wonder why you didn't talk about relocation and marriage into the 2nd or 3rd year of the LDR? Age difference is one thing but not committing after 5 years is another.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 4:15pm

YES, it's a mistake!!!

He totally USED that woman...and you want to be in a relationship with someone who is so lacking in character and integrity that he would DO THAT to someone????

What the heck are you thinking????

Sheri