is it normal to panic like this?
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is it normal to panic like this?
| Thu, 10-20-2005 - 3:58pm |
Well here is another post to try and vent my sadness and frustration. Today we were supposed to get together...this was his idea( although i knew that he wouldnt want to get together when it came right down to it) but once again i held on to the hope....i txt msg him last night, and asked if we were still on for today...and he called me, said once again he was sooo busy with this and that. WHY DOES HE LEAD ME ON LIKE THIS?. we have been broken up for 10 days....and iam starting to feel panicky, i feel like omg...this is real, and there is NOTHING i can do to change his mind...i almost feel like driving to his house, and maybe him seeing me would change his mind(although i know this is probably wrong. I just feel like there is something wrong with me, iam feeling very impulsive and so desperate to get back together but at the same time i feel sooooooooooooo hopeless, i feel like i am struggling SO bad not to contact him, i still feel in my heart that he is my bf, and that i should be able to call him, etc.
This is so easy, or appears to be anyways for him....my whole world is turned upside down and i so desperatley miss him....and it hurts that he isnt feeling the same for me. We lived together, we had a routine together, we did everything together....and he can just go on like nothing, and not even care if he see's me. i just cant make sense of it.
This is so easy, or appears to be anyways for him....my whole world is turned upside down and i so desperatley miss him....and it hurts that he isnt feeling the same for me. We lived together, we had a routine together, we did everything together....and he can just go on like nothing, and not even care if he see's me. i just cant make sense of it.

Kathy, I think what you're going through is completely normal. The first few days after your breakup it doesn't really hit you.. its after a week or so, after your first weekend without him that it kind of hits you "ok, we really are broken up" I was in your very same position a few weeks back.. I would send texts, have the urge to just show up at his house - the whole 9 yards.. but honestly, the best thing to do is not contacting him. I didn't believe it when I first came to this board but I really think its the best thing. Like someone had told me, if this was a guy doing this to you, how would you react? I know the boyfriend I had a few years ago always called & text'd me after I broke up with him and I even had my number changed because of it..
It didn't appear like my ex had any problem getting over me either. We didn't live together but we still had a routine and we were a part of each other's daily routine and just like that some other girl came in and took my place and it didn't even phase him. How that can be is a mystery to us all for sure.
I know its hard.. but it will get easier. Just try to relax. Take a nice long bubble bath & light some candles or even go for a run if you start to feel panicy. Just understand that what you're going through is completely normal and that you're definitely not alone, thats what we're all here for, to help each other. Goodluck hun <3
You said so many things that I have said throughout this nightmare of mine. When we first broke up (which incidentally was on July 27th)I thought maybe, MAYBE, a few weeks would go by and we would get back together. As the weeks progressed and progressed I began to realize that I was losing him more and more. I may have lost him the day we broke up in his mind, but in my mind I just couldn't see how this was going to be the END. I would contact him at least once a week, I would go to my friends house who lives right next door so that maybe if he saw me it would rekindle his feelings. He saw me several times and afterwards I expected that maybe he would call and he never did. Through out all these weeks I have been the one doing the calling or emailing (of which he never emailed back). I started to realize that maybe he is really done, I am the one that has kept prolonging it by contacting him and by doing so I was letting him know how miserable I am and how much I want us to be back together. I had to tell myself that this was not an appealing quality and that it was time to stand up for myself. I am not a pathetic person and yet I was making myself look like one. I never allowed him to wonder what I was up to or how I was feeling because I kept calling him and telling him. He has known that I am sitting here waiting for him. I decided that it was time for me to disappear and not offer my feelings anymore. I can't fight for someone who isn't fighting for me and he by all rights was not fighting for me. Not to mention the conversations began to get ugly and I would wind up yelling at him, he started calling me pyscho and that is when I realized that I had to stay away from him. My emotions are running so high right now that one day I am up and the next I am down. I am sure I did appear pyschotic in his mind but that was only because I am in love and my feelings for someone are being pushed away like yesterday's garbage. It is perfectly normal the way I have been acting based on how I feel about my ex, the one thing that I was doing wrong was contacting him because it only made me look stupid.
This has been the single most painful experience I have ever been through. I have been struggling for over two months and in some ways I am proud that I loved someone this much that it has affected me the way it has and in another sense I am angry at life's little joke of making fall head over heals for someone that I was never meant to be with in the first place.
java
I also feel the same way. I gave up a lot of myself and looked to him for fulfillment. When he left me a week ago, I felt like my life had been taken away from me. But, one friend said something very comforting to me this week - it was: "You were ok before him, and you'll be ok after him". That reminded me that I _used_ to determine the course of my own life, and gave up a lot of control in that regard when I was with him. It's time for me (and all of us) to take that back now.
I know the moment-to-moment ups and downs that you're feeling. I was feeling very strong this morning, but then broke down crying when I got up to go to the bathroom a few minutes ago. That's also normal, I know. You all who are out there feeling the same, just remember that this will get better with time, and we will go on to love someone great again! In the meantime, I'm thinking of you all. Hugs!
-hurtingbutstrong
I agree that what you are feeling is normal.
In the words of Dear Abby : As soon as you stop clinging to the fantasy of what you wanted that relationship to be, you will begin to feel better.
Not that this is easy to do. Good luck to you on your healing path.
Carrie
I know exactly what you are going through. It took me over a month to be able to sleep through the night. I would wake up every hour. I probably should have gone to a therapist myself but now it has been almost three months and if I was going to go it should have been when it first happened. It is so strange to be on this site and find that the physical and emotional set backs I am going through are normal. I had no idea because I have never been through this before not personally or any of my friends. It does help to know that what I have been going through is normal and not something I have to worry about affecting me for the rest of my life. I don't think there is anything wrong with molding your life to someone else's. I have found that next time I will try to have a few of my own things going on so that I am not completely available to my partner. It is sad that you have to play those sort of games but I guess it is part of keeping a relationship alive. By definition when you are single you start to engage in more things and it is just not practical to continue doing all those things when you do start a committed relationship.
It does get better trust me. It sounds like you may take a while to heal like I am but I can tell you almost three months later that I am starting to feel better and accept the circumstances for what they are. I have my days where I am not doing really well and those days effect my sleep patterns at night but nothing like it was in the beginning. I literally cried myself to sleep for 4 weeks and my heart ached all the time. Now it just aches when I force myself to think about my ex. Why we beat ourselves up, I don't know, part of it may be the rejection but I think just because we aren't right for one person doesn't make us wrong to everyone. I think if my ex is seeing someone then good for him. I know that what I felt for him was real and it isn't something that I plan to try to replace anytime soon. I plan on being single for as long as I can. I am not seeking the comforts of another, in fact right now I can't picture anyone else. If I had one wish I would wish for another chance. Not another chance in the sense that I am admitting all the blame, but another chance for both of us to come together wanting to work through our differences. I have a poem from him that he wrote me the first year we were together and there was a line it that said I can't picture anything happening that we couldn't work through. I guess I believed in those words, I believed in it all. Those weren't words on paper to me, rather I felt that is how he truly felt towards me. I am starting to think that they WERE just words on paper for him. Sadly the next guy will pay for some of this and if he wants to work through it with me then he will other wise he will hit the road. I can't say that if another guy wrote me a poem that I would take it to heart, I would probably take it more like a grain of salt and that is sad. This is partially why I chose to stay single because I am bitter and no one else needs to be put through that.
java
Hi all, I went through a painful break up almost 11 months ago and I was really left wondering how he could just walk on and forget about me (which he hasn't actually). One of the wisest things I learned was that while it seems like they are better able to handle the break up, remember they've been thinking about doing this for awhile. So by the time it's done, they've done a lot of their "healing".
Why I say the ex isn't actually gone is because once we broke up, I dissapeared. I didn't take his calls or respond to his emails. He was left wondering what happened to me (I was licking my wounds). Now he's the one with the deep regret. I think I came out looking classy! We talk now and then and he wants to try again, but I no longer do. He had his chance and he blew it.
So no contact works!
Take care and be good to yourself. I spent a lot of time on the treadmill instead of with Ben and Jerry, and I'm now 25 lbs lighter!!!
Chick