is it OK if i contact him?
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| Sun, 02-18-2007 - 9:53pm |
Hello again! This board is such a lifeline.
I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago. I wrote a very long post about it all the other day, but the short version is: we'd been together just over a year, I moved to his country to be with him, I had no job and hardly any friends there, we had no money, he's a depressive, he's confused, the situation got the better of us. It's an "I love you but I'm not in love with you" situation. We tried before to have a temporary break but I was clingy and it didn't work out. Realistically a break up is the only way we were ever going to get any real space from each other.
On the optimistic side: he says he loves me very much, he says I'm the most important person in his life, his mother adores me, he thinks I'm "perfect" and "amazing", and hours before we broke up he was still telling me he wanted to work things out. On the pessimistic side: he broke up with me, he says he's not sure he believes in us any more, and he can't see how we can have a future together.
He sent me a lovely text message on Monday (1 week ago, when I'd just got back) saying very sweet things but also saying he still thought the break up was the right thing to do. I didn't reply because that seemed best and also because I had no idea what to say. I still love him, I care deeply for him, the relationship made me feel very loved and secure until very recently. In short, I think we should have another go, once we can improve the circumstances and make sure we can be more independent and more organised.
My gut feeling at the beginning was to leave him to contact me first. But I just composed a very rational, loving email asking him to consider getting back together. I haven't sent it, but I'm quite tempted to. I just wanted to check: Is it best to wait for him to contact me, and assume that if he doesnt get in touch its because he really doesnt want to be with me any more? OR is it OK if I send him a calm email or letter explaining how I see the situation and suggesting we work things out? OR should I call in a week or two to see how he's feeling about things?
I am talking about a very sweet, shy 27 year old man who is quite vulnerable and comes from quite a complicated family, lost his virginity to me, cried in my arms while breaking up with me. Someone who isnt necessarily holding all the emotional cards.
Thanks for reading, would be great to hear what you think!

Hi eskimomo,
I'm posting a link