Is it over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Is it over?
2
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 1:07pm
hello, heres the thing, im 24 he is 26, we have been together for a year, and live together. I love him and he loves me, i know this, but there is no lust anymore. I have talked to him about this millions of times, and he gets upset but doesnt know what too do. There is no romance, no sex, no nothing, just love for eachother out of friendship i think. I just dont know how much more i can give into this relationship, i feel like im the only one trying, when i talk to him about it he shows all these crazy emotions, but doesnt really do anything. He plans our future, and talks babies, marriage, buying a home, but he cant give me lust. Sometimes i feel like all im good for to him is a housewife, i ccok and clean for him, i feel like his freakin mother. Im just at the point of wanting to leave, but i dont want too hurt him, what do i do here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
In reply to: iv_skorpio
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:25pm

i saw this on someone else's header, i think it was maverickmommy's, but it really struck a chord with me.

Love is a behavior, Lust is a feeling.

Love is how someone treats you every day, all day. Not just when their life is going well, feelings are just temporary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
In reply to: iv_skorpio
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 10:18pm

Hey there,

I think I can definately help with some suggestions but be aware- any advice given needs to be VOICED to your boyfriend and put into action by BOTH of you in order for it to work. I was married for 8 years so I KNOW what goes into a relationship - although, my ex was an alcoholic - so when my marriage failed it's not because I didn't try, he wasn't a good person & I no longer wanted t be with a man who was jeckyl & hyde! SO....that aside, I do KNOW how to spruce things up!!

Ok, so you lost that loving feeling...and your getting into normal life?? THAT HAPPENS!
Here is a suggestion....

You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel first THEN offer up the suggestion.

Try a "Celibacy" period. Where you don't have sexual relations for a good period of time - say 2 months. THEN, on that special night, when time is up...plan to go away for a romantic weekend...Have a couples message, drink champagne & strawberries, dress up nice & go dancing to slow soft music, light candles in your room, wear some new sexy lingerie, rose petals on the bed, have a bubble bath in candle light together....and MAKE LOVE then have the hot sex later....after 2 months YOU WILL APPRECIATE the intimacy & TAKE YOUR TIME!

In the meantime during the 2 months....you can do "other" things..such as. Choose a good romance novel and every other night for an hour or 2, sit together with a glass of wine & read a chapter of a romance novel together (one reads outloud to the other). Another night have foot massage night. Another night..have a blind folded food/taste test..Have a back massage night (don't let it lead to sex). Watch a chick flick another night...take that bubble bath another night with lots of NICE touching but NO SEX..Have Make out sessions while listening to a cd you both like...I mean REMEMBER what making out was like?? Go PARKING!! Go "Dating" again...have him bring you flowers, and ask you on a date!

Doing things like this remind you of why you LOVE eachother & why you are attracted to eachother....to spark that LUST again...If you to can be intimate WITHOUT sexual intercouse it will be worth it in the end!!

On an everyday basis things do get dull...have him help you out with the tasks at home that make you feel like the "MOTHER" - take some of the heat off of you. You need to voice how you feel to him, keep your communication open to help. Tell him that you need to feel like a Woman & DESIRED & lusted after!! See if he can help make those changes!

Let me know your thoughts on this...I hope it helps!
Good LUCK! Sweetie