Is it possible, to get back together
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Is it possible, to get back together
| Sat, 08-04-2007 - 6:56pm |
My boyfriend after 4 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I met him online in Final Fantasy XI which is a game. After 2 years of talking he came from his state of missouri to my state of jersey just to see me. I gave him a tour of NYC and we had lots of fun. 1 year later he came back again just to take me to my prom. The year after that i finally decided to move in with him and went to college down there. Things moved a bit fast i must admit, meeting someone online you miss out on the dating scene. He also was my first love and first kiss and first everything i should mention. I have many values, and i value education more than anything really. Unfortunatly i put it second to my relationship by going down there when i had better school oportunities. Well him and I wanted to become game designers together and eventually start a family and adopt a baby from china of course in the distant future. After a few months of living together his grades started to drop. He rather play the online game than do his homework. I would wake up at 4 am just to see him play his game, i would ask if his homework was done and he said he would get to it soon. Then i would sit there and glare at him or cry. This became a daily ritual, he would not do his homework and i would cry unable to see someone i care about waste his life away. Eventually i started getting bitter about it everytime he wanted to show me anything online that took his interest i would respond with when are you gonna do your homework. It started to annoy him as well as myself to treat him in this manner. Well school ended, he failed, i went back to my state only to find out he was living off hotdogs and beer. Well after being back in my state for a while he starts messing around with his myspace status going from single, to married, to divorce i tell him off about it and he says its his myspace he can write what he wants and that nothing on his myspace is serious as it also says that barney is his hero and what not. Well after i argue about it he breaks up with me saying that i was too controlling, i never thought i was controlling at all. He said he sees me more as a little sister than a girlfriend, he says he doesnt love me like that anymore. I ask if there is any hope in the future and he says nope move on. Its hard though, because he was childish, yes, but he was a wonderful person. All of our problems were based on one things that he refused to change about himself. If he had took care of his responsibilities we would be okay. I still love him to death, i still worry whethere he is passing or failing. I heard he is smoking now and it worries me too. I worry about him because i love him soo much. he said i was over caring and it drove us apart. But my question is, is it possible to win your ex back? Because i trust in time he will mature a little. He wanted to live a bachelor life and have a girlfriend too. Perhaps its wishful thinking to say maybe we will see each other again in the future and fall in love again.

lol. Sounds like my ex...word for word down to the 'wants a girlfriend but his bachlor lifestyle too' He, too, liked to play games, do dungeons and dragons and watch movies EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT with his buddies even when there were 2 finals the next day. Did everything last minute and relied on me to pull him through school.
Is it possible to get back together? It might be. Should you do it right now? Probrably not. You two are at different stages of life and the hard part is realizing you can't make HIM grow up; you can only work on yourself.
And yes, I've been there. I've nagged at him to cancel his fridays because we needed to study. I learned the hard way that nagging gets you no where even when you have. I think sometimes, in reflection, that I'm pretty glad we broke up. I loved him a lot, but I'd have gotten tired of being his mother before long.
So focus on moving on and not on getting back together. He has a lot of growing up to do before he's ready for a relationship.
HI serenehope and welcome,
It's possible to get back together with an ex, just ask my parents. However, I think what needs to be realized is that there are two people in any relationship that mess things up. It's not just him that needs to do some changing, you do too if you've been acting like his mother.
While he had some serious responsibility issues, mainly with a lack of them, really, it's not your responsibility to nag him to do his homework, I mean come on. Is the guy mature or not? And if he's not, what were you doing with him?
...."i would ask if his homework was done and he said he would get to it soon. Then i would sit there and glare at him or cry. This became a daily ritual, he would not do his homework and i would cry"..... Why would you do this? To what end? To get him to do his homework? Is he a child? H'es irresponsible, but you were in fact, quite controlling in this relationship. The tears you shed when he wouldn't do his homework (still confounds me) are called emotional blackmail. The sooner you lose that behavior for your own good, the happier you'll be.
I know that's not what you were expecting to see/hear when you came to this board, we never want to hear what we might have been doing to bring a situation about. If you truthfully want some kind of second chance with your ex, you'll have to accept that you BOTH have some growing to do. In the meantime, your best bet always is to focus your attention on yourself.
Best,